[Hero]What do you think of this hero?

It's a hero I made for my AoS map, I attached the .txt file.
Zaxers the Cemaidion Guard --
Story:
"N/A" -- Got one?

Hero Model: Demon Hunter, with custom skin. Skin location: .
Hero Type: Based on opponents mana.
Hero Stat: Agility, but also decent in intelligence.
Force: Night Elves.
What do I see..?: I see some kind of white/grey Demon Hunter, which is quick moving
and wise. Low life, heigh mana, low damage, heigh speed.

First spell:
Mana Strike.
Target type: Target Unit.
Mana cost: 60
Cooldown: 5
"Slashes the target unit, dealing damage to its mana
and stealing the damage dealt to mana and transforms it into life.
75/125/175 mana stolen."

Second spell:
Celestial Shield
Target type: Passive.
Mana cost: 0
Cooldown: 0
"Destroys every enemy unit's mana in an AoE every 1 second.
225/275/325/375 AoE, 1/2/3/4 mana destroyed."

Third spell:
Banish
Target type: Target Point.
Mana cost: 50
Cooldown: 4
"Transforms into a ravaging soul, which quickly moves towards the target.
When the soul reaches the target, it transforms back into its real state.
Deals damage to all enemies on the path."

Ultimate:
Mana Virus
Target type: Target Unit.
Mana cost: 160
Cooldown: 38
"Puts a virus on the target unit, which slowly drains its mana. If the units mana becomes 0,
it dies instantly. If the unit gets in range of any other enemy unit,
the unit will get infected too. Maximum of 4 infected units,
drains 0.40/0.60/0.80 mana per 1 second, and the virus lasts 30 seconds per unit."

1) Write it out in your post, don't make us download strange attachments

2) What is his theme/role? All I'm seeing is a bunch of damage spells with flashy names and no cohesion.

1) Done.
2) He's supposed to be some royal guard from some unknown kingdom, which comes to aid the night elves defeat the evil undeads... Then he can do a lot of shit with his mana and life.

my opinion?
i think theres too many spells here that deal damage.

... Yes, it's an offensive hero.

It's just a hero with randomly tossed-in skills with a theme that's not even properly shown by the skills.

A hero with 2 nukes is almost pushing it, unless that other nuke is his ultimate, this hero has too much damaging skills. You've got three nukes there, an AoE, a "blink-strike", and that ulti which isn't even synergized or empowered by his other basic skills.

When you design a hero, you don't just randomly throw in nukes and stuff and then just rename/add sfx to make it comply with its theme. Look at him right now, even his basic skills don't synergize with his ultimate. A mana burn would do the job. He has low life, he would need some kind of defensive skill. Now we've got three skills, a nuke(mana burn), a defensive skill(blink or something like that) and his ulti which is dependent on mana. A passive would be good. The passive could be an AoE Mana Drain Aura. Now we can use his ulti on clustered units with no problem, since that AoE mana drain passive would help increase the chances of your ultimate killing them, and a mana burn would help even faster. The blink skill can be used to stay near a target while draining their mana or get away to safety.

Now we've got a hero-chaser.

That was really good, thanks! I'll think about it.
+repped!

yeah, but, it's starting to sound like anti-mage, using the demonhunter model and mana burn-esque abilities.. :P
just sayin.

That was actually what I meant it to be, I'm maybe not that good at expressing it, it was meant as mana drainer and creep destroyer.

Updated.

Ummm... So what's going to make him different from the Demon Hunter? Blink (Warden spell)? Mana Burn (DH already has that)?

Ultimate and passive, and who says it has to be that much away from the original?

Because people want variety. Having four or five virtually identical heroes to pick from in an AoS is BORING. And like it was said above: putting a set of nukes on a stock hero and just changing the name slightly doesn't exactly count as 'creativity' around here.

New hero, Hasiz the Crimson Flayer.

Story:
"N/A" -- Got one?

Hero Model: Keeper of the Grove, with custom skin.
Hero Type: Based on draining opponent's life and raising minions' life by the life drained.
Hero Stat: Intelligence.
Force: Undead.
What do I see..?: A bloody KotG which summons minions and sucks opponents life in order to heal the minions.

First spell:
Crimson Force
Target type: Target point
Mana cost: 60
Cooldown: 6
"Sends a wave of blood towards the target point, sucking the life from all enemies
and healing all summoned minions. Sucks 40/60/80/100 life."

Second spell:
Summon Blood Elemental
Target type: Target point
Mana cost: 90
Cooldown: 8
"Summons a blood elemental which deals 39 - 52 damage, has 800 life and 2 armor.
Lasts for 15/25/35/50 seconds."

Third spell:
Blood Rage
Target type: Passive
Mana cost: 0
Cooldown: 0
"Makes summoned minions drain life when they attack.
Drains attack damage divided with 4/3/2/1."

Ultimate:
Something Diabolical
Target type: No target
Mana cost: 120
Cooldown: 35
"Channels for 4/6/8 seconds, and while channeling,
Blood Elementals are summoned random places near the Crimson Flayer.
When the Blood Elementals are summoned, they deal small AoE damage the places where they are summoned.
Deals 40/60/80 damage."

Commentz?

Coming up with a story for him might be easier if his name didn't imply that he "flayed the color red". :P

~~~

@Ashkati:
While I personally agree that people should make more interesting custom heroes, there's something to be said for just taking stock Blizzard heroes and using them in your map. Or using mainly stock Blizzard abilities (Mana Burn + Blink), then enhancing the rest with triggers). That allows the game to be more focused on gameplay and competition instead of "OMGosh, check out those schweet grafix!!1!"

I like the second one, his abilities are nicely put together and themed

im not a fan of the first though. He has potential, but right now his abilities seem... messy, really

i like the idea, anti mana pwnage, but it think it could be applied in a much better way

as far as story...

The first one: From a legendary and mysterious order that split off from the Night Elf civilization long ago, during the collapse of the Well of Etrernity. Sensing the evil and corruption of the arcane magics of the Well, a small number of Night Elves fled the cities of their kin, fearing the horror that was inevitably going to be unleashed by the Highborns rash and irresponsible use of Arcane magics. They watched the Night Elf kingdoms become consumed by their lust for the arcane, watched the magic of the well tear their people apart. The Elves of the order came to hate the arcane in all and any of its forms, and soon discovered that its destruction, at least in part, was possible. Devoting themselves to their new cause, the Order isolated itself from the world and set themselves to learning the deepest secrets of the Arcane and its destruction. Now,at their kins desperate plea for help, they return to aid their people and purge the world of the taint of the Well of Eternity