Tenaria (improved)

Ok heres the map improved but still not perfect I think. I added a non skined sentry shes someone who you will meet along the campaign. I also added some more into the story about Lord Timber and the Book. Loath also explains to the Sentry why he is here....so you don't feel "What is this guy doin here anyways?" Still I need more feedback just like last time thanks.


Map 1 Improved

Well, I didn't meet any new people on the way there, but there was a little more story. With that, however, comes spelling and grammar mistakes ("your" instead of "you're" and other obvious spelling ones like "manny")

The new loading screen looks good, but it look like it was just ripped out of something else with no mention of it being credited to anyone.

I belive there was a couple minor things that could be improved also, like the learned ability icons being different. (Glove for learning and then it changes to a boot, I belive)

Well, not much is really changed. Terrain is better, the music is thankfully different, the story is longer and there are items. Okay... Well, look back at the other thread for my critique. Other than the things said above, you still need to change those things. The story is also now inconsistent. First you said that he was just going to pay his respects, and later he said that he wanted to go find the spell book. Also, why is the tomb in the middle of a jungle filled with viscious animals? I wonder how many builders were maulled.
Also- I want to emphasize the difficulty of the last guy some more. The blademaster is designed to kill single units quickly and effectively. Well, I was a single unit, level five, and since I got killed quickly in the last version, I made sure that no one was around me and that I had full health and mana. Well, I died. At least take his orb away, or change it to something weaker.

*kicks IE* Well, my browser just ate a huge post I was doing on the things I've noticed in the new map like missing character portraits while talking to the warden or the way the warden runs back to her original position after leaving, but I really don't have anyone to blame but myself for not keeping a copy.

But while I fully intend to detail everything again later, sometime when my mother isn't nearly here to see me for likely the only time all year, for now I just wanted to reiterate the following:

I'm glad to see some more story pieces in place, both in terms of expanding what was already there and adding new sequences, but I must say I would still like to see more. I would gladly have traded the reaction to the healing fountain for the suggested reaction to seeing orcs at the tomb for the first time. (And likely a matching reaction wondering why there are orcs at their little advance base to the far south.) Also, I would like to second/third/whatever the sentiment that the grammer and spelling need some work. I would also add onto this that the dialogue needs some stylistic work. The lines sometimes fail to grab me and suspend my disbelief, pulling me into this brave new world. And while I'm sure the spelling and grammar likely have something to do with this, some extra style could be useful too.

If writing is not your strong suit, I'm stalling on my own campaign, and I'd be willing to try to proofread/spice up your dialogue for you, if you'd like. If you want some help cleaning up your script, PM/e-mail me to discuss what I'd need from you. And if not, then good luck on your own! :gsmile:

Aside from that, the other glaring problem is that the end boss is impossibly hard, even for someone who's killed everything on the map, but Myster Mystery has already outlined this better than I ever could, so I'll just let his comments stand.

But don't get me wrong... You've made good improvements, notably on the story, terrain, and music. (Though you really can't appreciate the terrain properly from the default viewpoint... but that's more a WC3 thing than your map.) Oh, and thank goodness you have some items now! But praise doesn't get a map improved... criticisms do. Good luck! Later, when I have time, I promise to re-list the other, smaller issues I found such as pathing problems, but for now, I must bow out.

(EDIT)

OK... Mom's in her hotel now, so back to business. (Sorry to drag personal stuff into this.) A brief list of things I noticed as I played.

1. As mentioned before, when the warden leaves after you talk to her, there are a few problems. She's so slow I can chase her... and after a while, she suddenly turns around and returns to where she was, standing there doing nothing. I recommend making her disappear some other way and then removing her from the map.
2. Also, during various scenes, notably the conversation with the warden, the main character's portrait would not appear while he was speaking.
3. Your forest is beautiful... but it has a few problems. Namely that it doesn't always form a solid wall. For example, there is a group of wolves on the far left-hand side of the map. They are the second pack of creeps from the top and there are two normal wolves. The top wolf is actually back IN the forest, behind a pathing block. When you attack the other wolf, it has to run back through the trees and down, coming out about a screen to the south, before it can attack. Furthermore, the player can traverse up this path if they can find it, and finding it is not hard as the wolf flees up it after battle. There is a whole network of these not-quite blocked paths that can be taken all the way up to the top edge of the map. However, I do not recommend making the forest more dense and ruining its appearance. Instead, just turn on the "View Pathing - Ground" and put pathing blockers wherever there's a gap in the trees. Or, alternatively, you could leave one path open and hide a treasure deep in the forest for those players industrious enough to find it.
4. Similarly, although I love the work on the "mini-temple," (where the skeletal orcs are) the doodads make the hero think he can't walk from the right to the left side without going outside and using a different entrance. This makes it rather annoying as the guard in front would lead the player into the right side but the treasure is on the left and the enemies can see and attack you while you're on the wrong side. I think this is an accidental path blocking by debris, however, since it wasn't in the previous release. Again, viewing the pathing map and correcting the blockage by moving some debris should be good.
5. Just a note, thank you for adding more story, varying the terrain, and changing the music. Although I personally had no problems with the other music aside from its not looping well and being stolen from a game most people already know, I also totally missed that we were aiming for an aura of mystery, in which case the new music definitely works better.
6. My last comment comes straight out of my comments on the first (VERY, VERY, now-discontinued first) edition of this map, back when the hero had a warhammer. You have extended your camera bounds to the edge of the map and removed the black area that is at the edge of the map by default. The problem with this is that there are good reasons for both these things. The map does not extend off into infinity past the edge of the map. It just ends. Scroll to the far left, right, or bottom to see what I'm talking about. On the bottom, see how you can see the hills and things just END? If you move the camera down, you can see underground. Also, if you look at a water area, you can see underwater as everything just- ENDS. Compare this to a Blizzard map which blacks out an area at the edge to create a smooth transition and keeps the camera from getting so close as to see past the edge of the map. The same goes for the left and right edges. At these you can also see the problem with seeing past the map: The sky is there. Thus it looks like some kind of severe graphical glitch as your world suddenly looks like it's got the sky UNDER it. I realize that it could be hard to redesign the edges of the map to incorporate tighter camera bounds that keep the camera from seeing the edge, if not some judicious black space. But it really seems unprofessional to leave it like it is.

Anyway, that's all that comes to mind now, so if it's not on that list, it's REALLY not work nitpicking over. Best of luck, and don't forget that offer to help you with the script if you'd like!