Introduction to a Campaign...

This is actually just so my partner can see it, without me having to email it to him, but I might as well show the rest of the world...

Saus and I are going to be making a campaign. Go us. :D

No but seriously, here's the prologue.

Oh and also, I mean to get rid of the glow around the miners... soo just ignore that for now, this is only preliminary, as I said, this is just to show my partner...

But I want your opinion too so vote on the poll!

If you vote it less then good, PLEASE post suggestions to make it better.

Every time I saw "Jewel" mispelled as "Jewl," you lost a point.

The head movement was a nice touch, and you made good use of your units beating on a wall. You really should name your dwarves; why would anybody call themselves "Dwarven miner" in a town full of dwarves? Hell, even "Strongbeard Rockbiter" or something goofy would do, just to give 'em personality.

"Wreak" and "Human" are mispelled. Actually, the whole Narrator thing kinda bites. That's a massive text dump, and nobody's going to want to read that. Besides, the opening scene introduces Godfist Whosisface, and the narrator says, "Oh, and he became king, and then died. Then there's this other guy..." in a black scene with NO animations whatsoever. Who's the main story about, anyway? If Godfist isn't at all important to the plot, why bother introducing him in the first place?

(Minor quibble: Dwarven Miner touched the gem first... shouldn't he have been transformed into King Dwarf?)

No, If you note closely, Godfist says that he's aching to touch it with his bare hands.... the dwarves are wearing heavy mining gloves...

The spellling is a bit off, I told you, this is just a preliminary, it's actualy just for my partner to see it...

Maybe the massive text dump wasn't such a good idea, Maybe I should have it going on to show the wizard, and how he found the gem...

I think it'd be appropriate to have the wizard who found the jewel "sense" the history of the thing, perhaps in a Dream filtered cutscene of the dwarves?

Something like,

Evil Wizard: I sense a great power to this jewel... a history of something too legendary for a small mind to contain it. The jewel calls to me, almost bragging about it's power to destroy those it deems too weak...

//cut scene, Dwarf touches jewel, everybody dies, Dwarf cackles insanely, then support columns break and it crushes the dwarf with rocks. Or, Dwarf becomes cruel king (show scenes of him having people executed, waging wars, etc) and then gets killed, and his assassin takes up the jewel...//

//fade scene, return to Wizard//

Evil Wizard: But I know your secrets, little jewel. I know you will test me. And I know this: At last your true master has come. Now, rock, give to me your power, so that all may taste of my might.

Yes, it's melodramatic, but it stars your title character (the evil wizard guy) AND shows some of the tainted history of this thing. So you build up that not only Evil Wizard is evil enough to want to use a provenly dangerous artifact, but that he's aware of the corrupting influence of the jewel, and is arrogant enough to think he can tame it.

Howzat?

Okay.. I watched it. If you add in some stuff about the wizard or whatever, that'd be good. I got kind of confused at that part. So I'll make that town now.

OK, here's the new version... tell me what you think....

It's better. I think it ended a little abruptly though.

And about the town - should it be medium, big, or HUGE? Medium would be about 3 in game screens, big 6, and huge 9.

Not huge.... maybe large... but not TOO big. but also not too small... check my PM again, All of those things I mentioned have to be in there, but you can put shops in there too and stuff, it's up to you, the terrain and stuff like this is your show.

I just think it was one bad thing with that intro, when the black screen with the long story started, add a background!

Edit: the black screen is much better in the update.

LOL, ur file is protected. I cant replace it!