I wrote an into to my story but...

Well i don't know what i should call it.

------------------------ My Story-------------------------


As Arthas sat up in his tent he was thinking about the next objective that he would have to accomplish. He had razed four human outposts already. His army was more then enough to conquer a small city. And that is exactly what he was going to do. He went outside of the tent and was immediately drenched in the pouring rain of Azeroth. He took a breath of the moist air and let it out slowly. He started thinking of his human life but quickly knocked the thought away. He knew what he was going to do and he would do it. He watched his legion of undead zombies and skeleton warriors. He would move them out tonight… and in by dawn of the next day… they would conquer!

but... re-read your story, you spelt 'thought' "though"

k thanks but what do you think?

well... your end is cool... but you use an awfull lot of he's and hisses.


you havnt started 1 sentence without he or his



here the same.


but your idea is good i think. it did make me wonder wich human city he would counquer.

hey thanks i'll work on that
I'm not that experienced of a writer. How would I substitute the He's and the His's? What could i use instead?

I would suggest you slow down a little. Almost every sentence in there could have a paragraph devoted to its point. For example:

"As Arthas sat up in his tent he was thinking about the next objective that he would have to accomplish. He had razed four human outposts already."
Right now, it feels like you've set out the rough draft - feel free to add some more detail. Perhaps like:

"It was time to move.
"Arthas sat up slowly, his mind already focused on the tasks ahead. Listening close, he could hear the bustle of activity, despite how early in the morning it was. The dead do not sleep.
"Arthas smiled. Everything was in order so far - his armies had proven receptive and efficient, and the initial test raids had burned all opposition to the ground. Still, they were no more than that - raids, something for bandits, not a King.
"It was time to further his plan, to take the next step towards his true goal. Strapping on his armor, Arthas knew what he would do - he only needed to decide how he would do it."

See? All you need to do is use a little creativity and add some detail. It also helps to pick words that set the tone you desire (be it dark and villainous, or victimized and thirsty for revenge", but I'm no writing instructor.

Sorry if all that came out wrong . . .

Wow damn! That was cool. You are right though it is a rough draft. Just a story line for my real story. But i'm retyping it now and i'll try to get that lvl of detail into it! Thanks!