Story reviewers needed

Hi,

I am making a campaign, and I could use some feedback on my story.

It is set on another realm in the Blizzard Universe, although that could still easily be changed. I tried to come up with a background history for this realm and some interesting characters.

I think it is too long to post it all here, so please take a look at
http://www.student.kuleuven.ac.be/~m9916318

There are some things that I like about my story. There are some mysteries involved, for example, like why the dragons became hostile, who the cloaked swordfighters are, why Geldor left the order, how Malorne lost his memory and how and why Hale's father got killed. I also like Ariel and a yealous Eion hunting Hale, the interaction between Malorne and Felore, Gavinrad as the killer of Hale's father and the inner fights of Arius.
(Of course, if u read the story i wrote down, u will know everything right away)

What I dislike a bit is the background story(well the story actually, but the true story should be in the characters itself). The story of the dragon artefacts, the Gulthazim, Avan'Gathal, the Celestials and the Burning Legion bothers me. It does seem a bit cliched. Maybe the fallen God could provide some tension/mystery down in Avan'Gathal, but I fear that will be it. Of course, it is not only what you tell, also, or even more important, how you tell it. And then again, the story does fit.

I also have some twists in mind, like the player thinking all wizards went evil, while eventually, by thinking this, Hale will murder Nicholas' innocent father, to realize short afterwards that he was wrong. However, those twists didn't make it to the final storyline yet, except for Hale turning his back on Gavinrad.

Then again, there are several characters that I need for generic purposes, like Gish(cliched character), and characters that could be interesting, like Anwen, but that dont seem to fit into the campaign for now. Those characters could certainly use more flavour to their personal stories.

Hmm. I could probably go on like this discussing my own story.

To be short, I would like some people here to review the links "Background history", "The Chosen" and maybe "Characters" of the above site. Most important, feel free to say which parts you like and which ones you dislike, say what you would change and keep. Also, if you have additional ideas for background history, characters or side quests for the campaign, please post them here or email/pm them to me.

In particular, I am also looking for a spot to add the orcs, without creating the idea "you added them to add them". They don't seem to fit into the campaign very well for the moment...

I am no native English speaker, so if there are any spelling errors on the site, or strangely put sentences, please inform me about this. Same for the case if someone would find any inconsistencies with the official Warcraft storyline.

I know it might seem a lot of work, but it doesn't take much time to read one of the three links I mentioned. Also, when I use your feedback, I will add you to the credits as a Story Reviewer if u want to. I could also review your story in exchange, if u like.

I'll probably will read your story sometime tomorrow and comment on it, but I do not have the time (nor the will) to do it right now, partly because I'm hungry, tired and pissed enough to break a tree... or so...

Those who'll read it before me, I suggest that they post out here, on the forum. For those who are already answering on it, it'll save someone else the trouble. As example, man 'A' says that you made a mistake in the second sentence of the background history, but says it by sending a PM. A day later, man 'B' arrives and says it through the forum, it'll only load it with repeating work for you.
-Fladian

I found you!!! :P

I read the story. Having only one text would be easier to read,.. I think the ending of the first campaign could be better. It does not feel like an ending,..

And what's up with Ariel :P She is dramatic enough to kill him?? This isn't Greek tragedy you know :P
Me Ariel, You Hale.. "I will still love you after I killed you.." *ahumahum* *evil*

You don't tell what is after the first campaign either,.. You give some clues, that's all.

And 5 campaigns? Pu-uuuf. Since when do you have so much free time :P

But I really like the story. It is clearly unfinished of course. Maybe make Ariel someone that tries to protect him in her own way :P


This is not autobiographic I hope??? :P

See ya!

My O my.. How the hell did you get here.

Well thanks for taking a look.

Maybe I could make the first campaign longer and add the first part of the second one..

And Ariel's character isn't finished :p Nothing of the story is really finished I guess.

Uhum :p It doesn't have to be finished tomorrow, you know.
I will probably make a Prologue campaign with the prologue cinematic and the first three missions first and see from there.

I updated the site with a lot of content today, the story was extended and changed a bit also.. Maybe you could take another look?

Oh a tip. You could also just use MSN for further comments :p No point in starting a duologue here..