What do you think about this story

Could you just tell me your impresions about this story, suggestion whatever. Also if you thinks this isn't the appropriate forum for this just tell me where to move this thread (there ain't a Story Makers thread, so this is my best Shot).
WoK story Part I :Fall of the Dark Ones

The world of Khazit one of the first born worlds (along with Azeroth, Elarian...). It was soon inhabited by five powerfull entities that call themselves the Elementals(earth, water, air, fire, nature) , but still there was something more. Something more evil than evil and in the same time more good than good, something that lurked in the deepest darkness and the brightest light. The Chaos God... look into the doc file for more

PS. I'm sorry in advance for any incompatibility i was using Open Office for the text editing

I have been wondering myself where you may posts stories and the like. I can recall sending a PM to Draco, but I never got an answer, nor did I really care about it at that moment - nor do I now.

To be honest, when I saw this thread, I thought someone was mocking me, but apparently, that wasn't the case. I'll take a look into it, but do remember that some people are unable to open Word. documents - like me, recently. Because of that reason, I'll copy/paste the document out here in a post if you don't mind, that'll save people from opening it.



Even though I copy/pasted it, I have yet to read it. I find it dishonest to give comments on something while I can barely keep my eyes open from exhaustion. In other words, if I remember (which is very unlikely) the post - and document - then I'll read it and comment on it - if possible - when I wake up, or during lunch; but I think that are too many details :P

-Fladian

Nope, don't mind , and why would I?
Also I saw your comment and tried to shorten it (seems i'm a type that just bores you with details ;) )
Ok here is the "shorter version"
This version has "only" 311 words previous had 525 I checked ;)

uhmm... there's a forum where you could post all of these. i think this is a topic misplaced.

Bel. the story isn't long for me. No offense, but I am used to read very large (and hopefully, detailed) stories. If you can keep it as accurate and as detailed as possible in the smaller version, I am sure people will be happy with it. But I won't be really affected by it.

About the "minding" part ;) That was because it happens (or rather, happened) once in a while that people wanted that people downloaded the document. To be honest, I don't know if it was this forum, nor do I know that the reason for it; more or less, it is a habit I learned myself.

Let's see now...
*starts reading the story*
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Hmm... the story is decent. Not exactly my style of a background history regarding something. But then again, I am pretty picky when it comes to such ;)

Divine Peon, which forum would you suggest?
-Fladian

So, to make it even shorter:

1. There are Elementals on a certain world
2. World is invaded by the Chaos God
3. Elementals create the Ancient
4. Elementals are captured
5. Chaos God creates Dark Gods to defeat the Ancient
6. Chaos God turns on his own creation (because he created it??)
7. The Ancient and the Dark Gods ally
8. The Chaos God is heavily weakened
9. The Ancient backstab the Dark Gods
10. Dark Gods and Chaos God ally again
11. Dark Gods + Chaos God clash with the Ancient
12. Chaos God dies, Dark Gods surrender.

So, some comments/questions:
1. What was the Chaos God doing? He doesn't seem very decisive or smart. Does he really turn on his own creation because its life too, or did i misread? Did the Dark Gods do anything that angered him maybe?
2. What happened to the Elementals after their capture?
3. For which side, or what kind of being, do you want to make a campaign or something similar? Or are you just posting a story? Which is fine too of course.
4. The powershifts seem strange. Without some background, the story seems like a free for all war between three uncharacterized factions. Why do the Ancient ally with the Dark Gods for example? The Chaos God seems to be the big exterminator, the Ancient seem to be created to protect creation itself and the Dark Gods specifically to exterminate the Ancient. So why do they ally?

I hope you can do something with my comments.

*slaps himself*
Stay awake, damn it!
I didn't expect another reaction of someone here to be honest. That proves that I have to re-read the entire story again.. quite a pain when you're tired.

Now then. Let's see how far I can come to answer those questions WW. expect some strange answers since I'm tired though :P
1. The Chaos God did indeed not have a very accurate explanation. In theory he might have really turn on his own creation because they were starting to fear him. If the Chaos God destroys everything that lives and needs something to aid him (which automaticly gives it "life" as well) then it is bound that those "things" or "creatures" get afraid of him. In theory it might be possible because they would fear him by that, after time even a man with the intelligence of a glass of water would notice it.
2. I cannot answer this, it has indeed not been explained at all.
3. He only posted the story, there is nothing combined with it, no project what-so-ever. I'm not 100% sure if he kept his question "is this the right forum?" there, but I wasn't sure myself, so I kept it here for the time being. Divine Peon said that this wasn't the right forum, but I have yet to receive my answer of "Divine Peon, which forum would you suggest?"
4. Again something I cannot answer. This has indeed not been accurately been told and people are unable to find the answer in the small amount of text provided. You could say only the basic things are told and enough to make the reader understand what is going on; no information has been given afterwards. A maybe an offensive example, but look at it this way: 'kids play to take over the world,' all fine and all but never has been thought about, 'after they've taken the world, now what?' you could say it is about the same scenario here. The basic idea has been given, but there is no point where he exactly went deep into the story to provide the reader with more information.

OK to be honest their is more backround around all this, and i will answer your question. First to say that i was working on a AoS, and seems I lost my focus. Also Flad if u do find a more appropriate place transfer it, until then I'll answer here,hope you don't mind .
I fixed some stuff in my story, but this only a part of a much larger world so I decided to first create some Answers go:
1. No, he is not smart, he is both smart and (to a certain point) stupid depending on the situation. No...and yes ( ) well Dark Gods creating some races to aid them in battle (Chaos doesn't like when new race appears without his sign), that was only one drop, then war between the Ancient and the Dark Ones gave life energy to the land (something like a battery) and made it develop new life, also later when Chaos opposed a rebelion organized by humans against Chaos regime, Dark Gods didn't want to participate, and soon after his failure to stop the rebelion, Chaos God strike them by suprise and killed one of the Dark Ones, actually God of Time.

2. I thought I mention this Elementals were captured... by the Chaos God and from their corrupt essence Dark Gods were created. Other words they were slowly being coruppted by the Chaos God, hoping he will make his perfect race, until he died, and then they were left alone in the "basement" awaiting their awekening...But thats Part II :8 .


3. I'm posting this story as a part of my imaginary World of Khazit where things are a bit different than in the Warcraft . I hope that one day I will be able to bring all of this stories to "life".

4. There is background but I think it is to big and BTW it's not complete. For the most of the time a quiet war raged through lands, sort of a enemy probing, guerilla attacks. Chaos wanted to create his perfectly loyal race but he failed so many times... After making his perfect race, Chaos attacked the Dark Gods and the Ancient the First Great war occurred with really big armies (sort of a WWI in Khazit ). As for the second question They realized they alone could not defeat him. But after a victorious assault on Chaos main encampent (Chaos God managed to escape) they thought he was badly injured and weaker than before so they could defeat both him and Dark Gods , they blamed the Dark Ones for his escape, backstabed them and started a war against both the Dark Ones and Chaos (even thought sepereatly - Chaos and the Dark G. later united). well to be honest Chaos God isn't a exterminator more of a restaurator, he wants to restore the void and that is his only goal, he chooses any means necessary, also the Ancient were created to protect the Elementals but they escaped, now they try as best as they can to defeat the Chaos God and his "offsprings" (Dark Gods). According to my story plan, the Ancient perhaps turn up to be more chaotic than the Chaos God, cause they are as recless as he is. The Dark Gods are here to defeat the Ancient but they are not in control of events and events seem to drag from one side to another, besides both of the sides when they made their alliance know that it wont last forever (for example take Sparta and Athens, always competing, always in some minor clashes, but quickly unite when they are opposed by the greater threat - Persians, and when Persians disappeard they go back to their "regular" confrotations ).
BTW Tnx for feedback.

Fladian, I think I found the place for the stories though I'm not sure here's the link:Story Forum Thingy
Oh and on the story........ I find it very much in likeness to the mythology of J.R.R. Tolkien's Arda. Very much like it. I enjoyed reading it probably because of this likeness but it's just wonderful, reminds me of something I wrote a few years back.

Yeah that is it, Fladian, could you move the thread to that location.

We had such a forum? :\
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...eh... yeah, I'm moving it :P

hehehe... i didn't think you didn't know this place, Fladian. and sorry for not answering you because i've not been here for a while.

it's a good story. i suggest making a campaign about it Belphegor666. :D

Hehe, I only visit a small amount of forums out here on wc3c Divine Peon ^^'

Gee thank, well i'm not so good at trigers, and besides this was just to be a interlude for another story.

As long as you can specialize in a thing or two (terrain or skins as example) outside from the stories, then you should be able to get a decent team together. Or at least... probably :P