Life of a horde hobo.

Ok by request here is the life of a HORDE hobo!

NOTE: Im sorry im posting so much but i like these forums.


I suddenly awoke. Well rudely woken up by a shaman. Stupid shaman.

I started to walk around Ogrimmar asking for money. As usuall the only people that did give me money was the stupid tauren, But even theyre cheap. So I headed over to the top of the bank to start my "casino". I start yelling out "YO DAWGS COME OVA TO MY CASINOOOOOO!" Then suddenly all the guards came over grabbed me and threw me out of the main gates! Stupid grunts. They think theyre so big with theyre spikey armour and big battle axes. While I only have my one handed axe. Stupid horde. Now Im a reject.

So I started walking down the road. I ended up in Mulgore, dont ask me how. I saw a bunch of tauren! So once I saw them I just turned around and walked out because tauren are stupid. So there I am in the middle of The Barrens alone. Then suddenly I saw a bunch of orcs walking into a portal so I headed over to investigate. "Whats happenin?" I said. "Were going to outland!" said the what I could only think is the leader. "Can I come?" I asked. "No." said the leader. I thought screw that and I killed the leader and I ran in.

Well guess what? OUTLAND SUCKS. All it is is the Barrens but only crappy. I want to kill myself. I ran back through the portal and a few orcs asked how it was and I told them. They said "Dude thats crap. Lets make a rebel group of orcs." So I agreed. There we are, me leading a army of 1000 orcs. I didnt know so many orcs hated everything like me! We first decided to invade Crossroads! First we sent in the blue skinned orcs. Dont ask me why but I hate them. They all died cause we didnt give them armour or weapons.

After a few days of fighting Crossroads was ours! We were tired so we enslaved a few tauren and made them pull us around in carts. That was nice. A few undead were walking by so they joined us. So it was 1800 orcs and 500 undead! Plus the tauren that were our slaves. Which is about 10. Now Thrall that stupid poo poo face has declared war on us and says if we dont surrender he will kill us. Thats BS. Hes attacked us with his army alot and we have won every time. OOO and guess what? I HAVE SPIKEY ARMOUR AND A TWO HANDED BIG AXE OF POWER NOW!

So anyways we decided to expand our land by attacking Ratchet. Stupid goblins surrendered and joined us right away. We needed a way to keep the whole part of the barrens under controll but also protect us. So we built a great wall. It surrounded the whole barrens. Everyone in the barrens that didnt join us died. We were now 10000000 strong!

We then started to ready our attack on Oggrimar. When we attacked the puny orcs put up some fight but we killed them all. When I reached thrall we battled for hours. He was tired but I was kicking ass. With one clean swipe I finally killed him. There I was laughing over the dead corpes of the fallen warcheif. I was now the new leader of the horde. I was happy. Very very happy. It was so good it felt as if it were a dream.....I suddenly awoke. Well rudely woken up by a shaman. Stupid shaman.

P.S. i somewhat rushed this one. not many ideas. i may delete this post and redo it later.

Here is the mistake I found.



Usual is spelled with one l. After a comma, there is no need to capaltize the next word. Theyre should be spelled like this, they're.

No more mistakes. :P
Just like the other hobo one. :P
Good job.
~Azhag~

Very nice! I am glad you took ym thoughts into consideration!

ooo! only one mistake!


and thanks Xiash.

"I suddenly woke up" is a better fit term. Saying "I suddenly awoke" is like saying, "wake up I".
"Well" in front of a sentence isn't the best idea here either. Unless this is written by the person of who it happened, then it is possible, but even then it sounds strange. Don't forget the comma after the "well".

'Started' not 'start'. It already happened - it's history. Unless it is writen from the aspect of 'that' person.

Don't forget that you write "theyre" 'they're'. I'll only note this once.
The other "theyre" in this sentence should be changed to "their".
As the dot between the area of "axes" and "while" it could be changed with either a pointcomma (a ; in other words) or a '-'.

'I'm' not "Im". The sentence doesn't sound all that bad either. I am guessing that he'd be angry because of the turn of events, but it doesn't really look like he's even bothered by it.

Personally, I'd say "Eventually, I ended up in Mulgore. Don't ask me how I got here, but I'm here". Right now, it seems cut short.

'Taurens' not "tauren".

Either use 'we're' or 'we are' instead of "were.

When you have two people saying a different thing on the same line, don't do it. Make room for it. When person A says something, fine, but when person B says something, make a complete new line for it.

No capitals only.

Rather, "all there is" instead of "all it is". I would be even more fond on 'it is just like the barrens, but if you ask me, it looks a lot worse than that!'.

You told them? You told them what? Be more specific. Even though we can guess, you shouldn't take something like that for granted.
"Never take something for granted" - Decadence.
Without reading the parts before it, as far as we knew, you could've been talking about the decorations of your toilet.

'That's', not 'thats' and 'let's' not "lets".

That sounds simple. A little more of information would always be appreciated.

'Didn't" not "didnt".

A comma or anything similar between 'fighting' and 'crossroads' would be appreciated.

Uh... what?
You were insla... no, you enslaved a few taurenS and mat them pull you around in carts? Either that was very unclear, or I misread a word that didn't let it make sense anymore.

A few undead? Undead is a race. It's like me saying, a few Gigli walked by. That just doesn't make sense. Something like "a few undead creatures were walking by" would make a lot more sense.

Between "now Thrall" and "that stupid" should be a comma. Between "poo-poo" and "face" as well.
'Don't' not "dont". Another comma between "surrender" and "he" should be fit too.

Try not to use shortages. People who don't know what it mean may miss something.
'He's' not "hes".
Again, don't use capitals only.

'Anyway' not 'anyways'.

"We were in need of a way" is probably more fit than 'we needed a way' since that is impossible.
'Control' not "controll".
'To protect us' not just "protect us".

I miss a critical word. The word 'they' is missing in this sentence and just because of that, it is not making sense anymore. I also miss a comma.

If you meant the warchief Thrall, don't forget to use a capital. If you meant 'a thrall' then don't forget the 'a'.

"swipe"?

'Warchief' not "warcheif". Also, a comma between "was" and "laughing".

Theoretical, this orc didn't become the new warchief of the Horde since he just kileld the Horde. Also, a comma between the two words, "very".

'As if it was a dream' not "as if it were a dream" in this case.

'I suddenly woke up', not "I suddenly awoke".

'My' not "ym" and there was no real need for to scream it out :)

Azhag, there were far more mistakes than just that. The one was even easier than the other one. Point them out more carefully next time.
No, Gigli, it was not one mistake. You may count them now, but it is not necessary.

As for my opinion about it...
'Decent' that is the most fitting word for it. Neither good, nor bad, but then again, I am not fond on self promoting stories as this.
-Fladian

I was going easy. :P I was hoping by now he could have picked up on his own mistakes. Make sure to proof read your story before posting it. Take a look at my story, The Fallen Rise, and see how I wrote it. To write the small chapter it took me like 2-3 hours. I proof read, changed a lot and it didn't help that I was watching T.V. while I was typing it out too. :P

Don't.
Most mistakes I pointed out weren't small mistakes either.

as i said at the bottom of the story i rushed it. to be honest when i re read it i hated it. i just might as well give you a work out flad ^_^

T his is the worst story I have ever read. I don't care about the spelling but it was just so poorly written and the there was no plot.

Try not reviving threads that are about one month old. Thanks, and have a nice day.
~Azhag~