The Endless Hallway

Author: Me!

Anyways, let's just get on with the story:
NOTE: There may be some spelling and grammer errors, but bear with me. ;)

DO NOT READ AHEAD!!! YOU WILL SPOIL THE ENDING!

I wake up one day from a burst of sudden light that hits my face. I instantly jerk around on the floor. Once I opened my eyes, I wasn't in my house, but instead, in a hall. I looked behind me, there was no door. I looked the other way to find a black patch of darkness. "A one way hall way..." I thought. I looked around some more, but seeing no other way out of the hallway, but going in. I didn't know where I was, but it wasn't a pleasent place. I have nothing, but only a bag of pencils and paper. That was before when I knew I just entered The Endless Hallway.


I kept on walking. It was strange though, I never felt tired, nor hungry. Maybe it was becuase I always stuck to just walking. I've been walking for about an hour of two, I don't know. Everything looked exactly the same. Was I going in circles? No, I wasn't. The hallway was getting dimmer as I walked minute after minute. I could see that because my eyes were getting accustomed to the light. Am I even thinking while walking this hallway? I don't know... not yet...


I might have been walking for about six hours. Just walking, still never stopping. How far is this hallway? Does it fork out? Will it never? I may not even be at the end. But, right now, I think only my belief in hoping I will get out of this hallway will get me out. What if I just find a dead end? It doesn't matter, I as long as I tried.


It's been about 2 days, I think. I can't be sure. With no way to keep track of time, how can I know? Still walking, walking into total darkness. There is no more light... just pure black, not even seeing my very own nose or hands, even if they're right next to my face. Whenever I speak, I hear only my own echos, no other voice... feeling lonely. But still, my hope keeps me living. Now that I can't see what's in front of me, what if I just walked into a monster's mouth? I'm starting to feel tired now.


I think... 5 days... just 5 days... just listening to nothing, but my own irritating voice. Seeing nothing for the last 5 days... No light... wait... I see a spark in front of me... is that the end?!?! I feel tried now... but I can't stop walking... I have to get to the end...


It's been a week... I'm tired... too tired to keep on walking, but I can't stop... Not when that spark of hope in front of me is shining. I can feel it calling to me... calling me to come home... I can feel it's serene light touch my body, making me warm, giving me more hope... more hope to come home.


2 weeks... yet I keep on walking... Feeling more and more tired day after day... The light has gotten closer... but I feel like I can touch it, but I can't raise my arms, because I have already wasted too much energy walking... I know now... just a little more...a little more walking...


I'm so close... that is when I can finally touch the light... my ray of hope... Once I went past it, my body, face, and eyes finally felt the sun's everlasting, yet beautiful light... I'm too tired... I think it's time that I rest...


Dear Reader, if you have found these packet of papers next to a damaged body, with crumbling pencils, then you have found my experience in The Endless Hallway. Never step inside it's dark depths, for it is heartless and it wants to keep you ensnared in it's lonely heart, chained away from existence. My hope to believe to go on kept my energy and stamina as high as it can possibly can be. The power of Hope gave me strength to survive it's dark and evil heart to kill those in it's vicinity. It was sucessful with me... even though I did my best to survive it's endless torture. Please, do not enter that darkness that stands before you, for you will become a victim... a victim of The Endless Hallway.

With it... I rest in peace... knowing that I have escaped...
May the power to believe forever be at your side...

- Jahalbul, now resting in peace...

Your going to be the first subject of my new grading system!

Pretty good, and definitely unexpected. I give you a 9.5/10 on idea, 8/10 on execution, 4/10 on grammar, a 6/10 on flow, a 5/10 on character development and 7/10 overall. (Yes, I am a harsh grader. It's better then all 10s though right?)

Idea: Well, I never saw that coming. Great concept, although I dont quite understand the symbolizm.

Execution: It could have been better. Some parts are a little muddled, but it's pretty good overall.

Grammar: Ugh. Grammar seems to be a pain for most people around this forum. I wont really elaborate, as it is pretty self-explanitory.

Flow: If you had good grammar, this would be about 9. It is OK, but needs some fixes. Here's an example:

This doesn't really flow, because first you are talking about hope, then suddenly you jump to monsters, which makes no sense. Then it goes back to tired, which should probably be closer to the hope (or in front of it, so you could understand what's driving him) As for the monsters part, that would be better removed or put somewhere else, maybe where he is thinking darker thoughts.

Character Development: Where you do do it, its pretty good. Unfortunately, it is mostly lacking from the story. You did manage to put a reasonably good image of his personality in my mind.

Overall: Not bad. Your main shortfall was grammar, and there is unfortunately no easy way to correct that but keep on trying. Indeed, the grammar impaired some of the other parts of the story as well. Keep trying though, I will look foward to more literature from you.

Well, you know, not many of us are big on grammar except me, you, and the GW.

I'm not THAT big on it until it starts effecting the story itself and makes reading it sort of a forced thing rather then voluntary.

And at least spelling is easy to fix, and thats half of it.

i read ahead. :D

good work.

I think I will adopt a new gradin system as well. I will simply grade, and you can ask questions later. I give you a 76/100 for this one here.

I guess that the grammer killed most of my high points in your "new" grading sysytem. I'll keep that in mind. :)

The moral to the story is simply never give up, and your goal will be very rewarding.

Grammar is very important in writing stories. If you have bad grammar the readers will tend to dislike reading it. :P
Here is good advice. When your done writing your next chapter, read it out loud. If it sounds weird, then you have made a mistake.
Good luck.
~Azhag~