| 04-13-2005, 05:25 AM | #1 |
Aren't poems sort of a story? It doesn't matter, I already made this post! Please! I demand feedback! Author: Me! Everything But What? I have everything... but what? There is something missing, but how? Everything is right here, right? But why do I feel something is missing? Something about all of this... it seems blank. None of it can talk to me None of it can reply to what I say Nothing here can see what I do Everything here can't feel me Everything's here... but what? Maybe I need a pet... Nah! Or a forum... Boring! My parents? You wish! An ogre? That's crazy talk! The moon? I hate that ugly circle in the sky. The sun? I hate light A computer? It can't talk! An airship? How do I pilot it? An automoblie? I'm not old enough to drive! Maybe a game console... Nah, boring as boring can get Everything is here... but what? I need to look harder... I need to see more sharply I need to hear another voice other then myself... I need a something... but what? I have everything... but what? I have everything... do I? No, I don't! What I'm missing is... Is... Is... You... |
| 04-13-2005, 11:31 AM | #2 |
Pretty good. I give you a 7/10 on idea, 8.5/10 on execution, 9/10 on grammar, a 9/10 on flow, a 7.5/10 on character development and 8.5/10 overall. That totals up for a 41/50. Not half bad. Idea: Yes, we have all seen it before. However, you used it pretty well. Execution: Quite good. Good job here. Grammar: Another good job. Flow: Your use of repetition really helped. I have to say, everything flows really well. Character development: At first he seemed the stubborn type and I thought you would get low here. But he had a change of character. Another good job here. (The reason it's a little lower is because really the writing is too short to describe him very well) Overall: This is the highest grade I've given. Be proud :P |
| 04-14-2005, 12:30 AM | #3 |
A girl gave me a poem like that. But it was so horribly done I had to reject her, lol just kidding but in the end we didnt work out. But you on the other hand, that was really well done. Give that to a girl. Or a guy, whatever fits you. |
| 04-14-2005, 07:27 AM | #4 |
Guest | My rating (yay!): Before you read my rating, know that I use different scales in order to have a global rating out of 100 that takes in consideration all important parts more than the others. Script: 15/15 - Just because poems are getting so rare lately... Imagination: 2/10 - This poem has no rythm. Seriously, all you need to make a poem is not rhymes. Descriptions: 5/20 - You use simple words. Try to use more complicated words in order to make everything more fluid Writing skill: 3/10 - For the effort you get a 3/10. I'm really impressed by the fact that I saw exactly 0 litterary figures in a whole poem like that. Action: 10/15 - This is turning around in circles... no real point to the story Humor: 5/20 - You tried to add some humor and ruined the whole poem. Either make the whole thing funny or stay completely serious Transposition of the author: 10/10 Just because you took the necessary time to write all these (simple) rhymes Global rating: 45/100 - Seriously, that's bad. I want to see more poems, but not such poems. In order to make a poem, you need to work it a lot. Try to first write it on paper, so you'll be able to work on it AND see your modifications, then copy it on the computer: this simple copying will make you see your errors. Ask a few people to read it, be sure to add some litterary figures (metaphors, understatements, zeugmas, anaphoraes, etc...) If you make another poem, please take the time needed to work it before posting it. |