Don't lie to me...

You say "I am free", but it is not to a certain degree.
You say "I feel good" but it is only for the mood.
The answer is given by your eyes, I can see that what you said are lies.
Don't worry, there is no one to make you feel sorry.
I feel exactly the same, I know your real name.
You say "I feel good" but I see through the mood.
Everything you said was a lie, even if that meant for you to die.
Don't lie to me, I will see.

I know I can help you now, if only you would go.
But I'll only help if you want, then I'll reach out my hand.
Helping each other, is it a bother?
Helping each other is all I ask, is that a strange task?
Put away that fear, don't drop that last tear.
I knew it all along, even though you weren't among.
Yes, I will mention: 'it was your intention'
I will show you the real truth, even if that means I'll be a brute.
But you know you need to hear it, even if you fear it.

Put that old life away, take another way.
Follow my lead, don't fall on the street.
I won't lose you out of my sight, even in the night.
Give me your fear, don't drop that last tear.
Give me your sadness, I don't care about madness.

There's no need to be dishonest to me, you know I'll see through don't you see?
You may stay quiet, from now on I'll buy it.
Even though it is hard at the start, show me your real heart.
I know I will understand it, but don't bend mit.
This doesn't have to repeat, not in sight, if you stay with me in the night.
Because you will see, if you wake up,
you won't be the same person as you used to be.

I always knew you are very kind, why did I never mind?
Did I not see, that you were the key?
Was my mind clouded, or was it the friends that kept me bounded?
Can I still strech my arm, without a warning alarm?
There is a lot in my way, but I'll push it all away.
I will not fall low, I won't be the same person you used to know.

You show me that this is real, I'll let you feel it is no fake deal.
Let me go with you now, I will never leave you from here on.
Give me your fear, don't drop that last tear.
Give me your sadness, I don't care about madness.
There is no need to be shy, not to you, will I lie.
I won't lose in this, there won't be something amiss.

As long as you stay with me, we will both be the person we wanted to be.
What was once only small, will grow and will never fall.
Come with me, you'll change, you'll see.
I'll make you change, as long as you stay in my range.
I know that this is what you wish, to be as free as a fish.
You will not grow if you stay where you are, no one will make you dare.

People that hate you gives a lot of pain, but even from hate you will gain.
So many people that thought like that, though forgetting it like an old hat.
People that said, "I'll rather be dead than be with you" made some mad and sad.
You can finally wipe those eyes, make them dry, I know you wanted to cry.
After I lost you from my sight, I finally saw what I was yearning for during the flight.
I ask you to forgive me, even if it is trivial in how you see.

I don't want to be without you from here on, I don't want you gone.
You are always on my mind, you were not the first I can find.
Show me your eyes, show me that when you are with me, you will not lie.
Your face cannot get out of my thought, that was what I sought.
I see you when I type, even if I'm in a hype.
I see you when I lift my arm, even if I'm on a farm.
I see you when I take my off my shirt, even with a lot of dirt.
I see you during the night, without any light.
I see you when I am in the car, I see you always because of my scar.
Make this scar a symbol of good, don't make me keep a symbol of bad mood.
Not on my wrist...

Come with me, I'll make you see.
You can be anyone you ever wanted to be, if you stay with me.
Never will you be the same, with only me to blame.
Throw away your fear! Never drop that last tear!
Throw away your sadness! I don't care about madness.
Shyness will be gone, it can all be done!
Don't drop that last tear, I will hold you dear...



Was I blind, could I not see? Could I not see the person you are to be?
Did I not notice you because I took it for granted, or was it because others ranted.
Did I go with the flow, therefore I made you blow?
Now I lost you out of my sight, did I also lost my fight?

Give me all your fear, show me your last tear.
Give me all your sadness, even if that meant for me to know madness.
You will no longer be shy, I will never make you cry.
If you just stay with me, alone with me to see...

If you won't accept me, something that I can only see...
Then let me at least apologize to you from me, forever to be...


Inspired by the momentary no.1 of the Top. 40 of music here in the Netherlands and the sadness I could see in the eyes of a person I knew.

Nice, a solid 34/60

Fladian, you focus far too much on rhyme scheme here. Poetry and song is about feelings. Try to forget about making each line rhyme.

Me really sad . Nice poem Fladian

I'm not good in rhyming. About 60% of it is a song I translated to English with a few adjusted words. If it would be a sold rhyme, then it would have been different. If it sounds as a poor excuse, ask someone to translate 'Geef me je angst', you'll hear the same words.

My intentional focus was to let everything rhyme, there was no other intention. If I'd try to forget that fact, then it would be completely useless since then it would have no use from the start on.

I partly wrote this since it is nearly a year ago by now... nearly...
-Fladian

Xiash, he could of used a free verse poem scheme, which means he doesn't have to rhyme.

Well, the focus was one the rhyme and the meaning behind it. Since everyone knows I have a large scar on my right wrist, and I mentioned a scarred wrist in a line, it is pretty clear what this is about, even though more than the half is ripped of a song :P

Regardless, expect a full version of this in a month or so... by then, it should have been a year.

Fladian im not even going to bother to tell you much i loved it.

Makes me want to cry... I see your rythm is not english, where are you from Fladian? (If it's an English-speaking country, then you have a very original style for an English/American/Whatever, and that's a very good point)

My rating (yay!):
Before you read my rating, know that I use different scales in order to have a global rating out of 100 that takes in consideration all important parts more than the others.
Script: 15/15 - Poetry/Songs are rare. This one almost got a tear (I said almost ^_^) from me
Imagination: 8/10 - Good imagination. I just imagine that I did not read that it's mostly a translated song.
Descriptions: 12/20 - Take more time on descriptions, they are very important.
Writing skill: 8/10 - That non-english (if you are) style makes the whole song feel wierd, and thereof excellent
Action: 5/15 - You're turning around in circles... there is no exit to your story. This ruins the whole rating *cries*
Humor: 10/20 - I won't penalize you for this.
Transposition of the author: 10/10 At least, you were 100% "inside" your story when you wrote it, I can sense some deep feelings when I read this.

Global rating: 68/100 - That's a very good rating from me, as I am completely fair while rating. Nice work, reading feelings instead of a crap story made it way better. But the story had no exit, only an entrance, imagine what you want to write before you write it.

I cried, and I can cry any moment when I think back to those days.

I'm Dutch. 60% of the song is a translation from a Dutch song (that is at this moment, the no.1 of the top 40).

It's something that really happened, and I cannot see anything that isn't true in it. The people who know me a little better than the average random guy out here, knows what this is about.

It isn't based from imaginitation, it is the hard truth.

In a rhyme? =\

It is a fact that more than the half of it is a translation of a song that I tried to rhyme of each other.
2 Lines from the song goes as, (translated)
"Give me the feeling, that I am part of it from now on"
"I go with you, and can never go back"

There is no action, and it is being repeated as often as necessary. Slowly building it up to show that the only thing I want to do is 'apologize', that's what the words say.

I guess. There is no humor in it, there isn't supposed to be any humor in it, and there is no room for any humor in it. A section that is best left away for stories that are trying to create a mood what is the opposite of Humor. This, and 'a Beautiful life' as example are not interested in humor, so it is a section best left away for those.

Of course I am 100% "inside", the story is about myself.

Not completely. If you want to give an accurate rating, you will have one section to vary. Humor is unfit for something that is aiming on sadness, if you'd switch that section to something else, it would be more accurate. Where the Ghoul's Diary is focused on humor, this is focused on sadness, the Legend of Rok'Thar focused on action and If, and only if on character development. If you would base your rating from those sections, then it would be clearly more accurate.

Depends if you like to read the feelings of a person. If you are not interested in such, it would be boring and annoying.

The story in real life has no exit either. The situation never ended, there is no ending here, there is no ending there. Though as conclusion, the final words were the most fit for an "exit".
"If you won't accept me, something that I can only see...
Then let me at least apologize to you from me, forever to be..."
...is it ended with.

-Fladian

First time I see someone rewiewing a rewiew ^_^

I hate you. You make me feel sad, and remind me of just how alone I feel... It's beautiful. ,-_-,

"Are my eyes seeing an illusion? Was this a dream? Did tears finally filled my eyes, or was it the rain that fell on my face?" millions of thoughts went through my mind as I looked through the rain through a glass window of a shop. Would this be something I couldn't forget, or was this a little reward for all the days I've patiently waited? Did I wait a complete year for this situation, to see my wish coming true for a little part while standing in the pouring rain while the bus I had to take to come home drove past me without I even noticed. I didn't hear my friends shouting everything they used to call me. They even called me "beaver" again, how long has that been ago? Three years, perhaps? No, it must be at least four years, if not five. But not even a nuclear bomb could get me back to the ground as I was starring to the glass window and what was hiding behind it.

"How much has changed in a full year?" I asked myself, as I kept starring at the window. The long blue jeans-like coat was placed on the wooden table, only a few inches away from a nearby wooden chair. Even though there was more than 8 meters distance between the wet blue jeans-like coat and myself, I could now seriously feel my eyes filling up with tears; it was clear, this wasn't rain. "Did I not change emotionally?" I continued to ask as if I was waiting for someone to answer me. As if I expected someone to stand next to me, and provide me with the answers I was waiting for, and yearning for, for so long.
In a second, I could remember every dream I once had, every moment of harmony of my mind and every moment I cried while watching at the scar on my right wrist. In less than a few seconds, I could even remember the time of three years while I was sitting in the class, looking through my class, ignoring everyone I didn't want to know while asking myself, 'how could I be so blind?' knowing that I could tear myself apart from the inside. An incredible force to attack my imaginary-self was there in me, just for a moment. For a moment, I made fists, for a small moment, I had the urge to hit someone, not caring who. The urge to hit someone, the urge to relief my stress, the urge to scream and yell out how much I hated my previous self - how much I hated my blindness.
As if someone gave it to me, I suddenly remembered the only moment she and I were alone. There was one moment, twenty minutes in three years, sad to let it end like that. I could remember her standing there, on the balkony, together with me, resting from our intensive exam that would decide if we'd graduate or not. A moment that kept my heart pounding harder than a car that hits a wall multiple times. With no feelings for anyone, killing my emotions and avoiding all kind of such things - that was my intention; how could I be so blind? Why did I never look in her brown eyes before? Why did I never bother to really look what was behind her? Why did I join the flow, why didn't I step out of it, like I always do?
I could see a blurry person in front of me, I knew it was my imagination, but I also knew it was a sight that I should keep safe. I could see her standing in front of me, her long blue coat that was still torn apart after such a long time and her always blue jeans she wore. Everyone could say without hesitation that it was her favorite material, the kind of clothes she always wore became cliche, it was always the old torn coat and normal blue jeans and her long red hair that made you jump back into reality. "Why did I even belief what the others say?" I thought to myself as I could see my imagination work on its harderst for once, in a long time. "Why did I believe it when they said she was "ugly" and "skinny", why?" I asked myself with a shout in my mind. For once, in more than five years of time, I was angry. I finally made my two hands fists and a loud knack could be heard from the fingers that pushed against each other forcefully. My teeth pushed against each other and my eyebrows went down... and finally, my hair came down because of the rain that was putting pressure on it. If John or Wesley would see me now, they would never believe they were looking at their friend. Both of them could count on one hand how often I have been angry, how often I bothered to make fists and how often I tried to show that I could be serious. Who could actually say they ever met the serious me? Who of them all ever watched past the 'Ed' they always called me? Why was she the first one who managed to through all my lies? Why is she the only one who disables my ability to improvise?
As I kept starring at my illusion that was created by my imagination, I could finally feel my finger nails getting wet, getting wet while I kept my hands in my pockets - like always. My eyebrows loosend and I quickly pulled my hands out, forgetting that I was angry not even a second ago, and I could see that I finally pushed far enough to release blood from my hand. My long nails was something that I always had, those nails pushed blood out of my hand while I started to become dizzy. But before I could even react out of pain, I could see an arm stretching out to take the coat that was still placed on the wooden table. I had no hesitation in my mind that the coat was hers, and she must be there too.

In a year of time, I could finally see a dream getting true. I always dreamt so little, but when I dreamt, it was world shocking for me... and finally, a dream came true in front of my eyes. All kind of words ran through my mind with the speed of light as I finally saw her through the window that was getting somewhat unclear. Coatless, this time, but I had no trouble to recognize her and I could feel my right wrist confirming it. The upper wrist part started to burn and I could feel it screaming out of pain, but it did not reach my brain, my body didn't react to the pain. You could cut my arm off, but I don't think it would hurt, I don't think a sign would be given to the upper chamers of my head to let it feel pain.

"Eddy!" I suddenly heard my friend and his girlfriend shout at me as I jumped back to reality and quickly turned around to see my friend sitting on a bench only a few seconds away from me. "Your bus is still standing there" my friend mentioned while he winked at me. Meaning that I have been dreaming all the time, the bus arrived, and I kept standing still, not making any expression changes or seeing anything. I was just looking blank in front of me with no sight in my eyes, as if I was dreaming. No hair that was finally falling in front of my eyes, my hair was the same as a moment before - short. No long finger nails, they were short, just like I cut them since a year ago. No blood on my hands, they were not even wet. No shaking right arm, it was calm, and painful, like usual.
I nodded and looked back to the shop I was starring at so furiously a moment ago, only to see there was nothing there. There was a window alright, there was also a shop, but there was no table, no chair and most importantly, no one of importance to me.
I looked back at my friend, waved him, and his girlfriend good bye, and stepped in the bus to go home while taking a final look at the place where I stood only a moment ago, trying to convince myself that I was dreaming. Convincing myself that I was watching a dream and that my friend politely woke me up as the bus was still standing and he noticed I was daydreaming.

It took me a moment to find an open seat and I ploffed down, knowing that a friend of mine was sitting next to me while I looked relieved and relaxed that I was able to daydream about something as unexpected as that.
The moment I sat down I could feel the bus leaving.

After a full minute of silence, I could hear John, my friend next to me nearly shout at me. "Damn Eddy! How the hell did you get a cut like that?" he shouted at me as he grabbed me at my wrist and pointed at the four deep cuts in my hands.

===

Flad, just curious, why do you write so many poems?

No reason in particular. In the case of the last one I wrote, it was just what popped in my head while I was writing. But then again... most of it is the truth, it's an habit of mine to draw blood because of my nails.

I never did get to see the old torn blue-coat anymore though, but I guess all other parts in this is something that truly happened. So, why do I write them? I don't know... perhaps to relief stress. Or maybe because I cannot voice it in words; who knows.
"Many poems", you said? I don't write that much; I usually stick to stories. Unfortunately, I can't write much because of my bad condition... and that isn't meant in the words of "because I'm sick", because with pure coincidence, I happened to stay sick at home today :P

Poems are a powerful way to express feelings and emotion without the writer realizing it.