Walking home

I was walking home.

It was a cool autumn day. The wind picked up and one of the papers flew out of my backpack. I reached down and picked it up. I looked down the path leading home: it was a row of straight pine trees. Between the pine trees were deciduous trees, which were in full color. Behind this row of trees was a forest, filled with all sorts of big trees with colorful branches. The path was covered in red and orange leaves. Every here and there another path would branch off. You might, if your a suspicious person, be wondering how I picked all this up. Well, I'll tell you: I'm an observant guy. I can tell you for a fact that from where I was left off to the first path branching off, there was exactly 16 pine trees.

I looked up at the sky. It was a bright blue, tinged with the white of clouds every here and there. The bright color lifted my spirits. I walked on.

I walked for twenty minutes, and I was back where I started.

I looked around. No, I wasn't exactly where I started. The leaves weren't distributed in the exact same way. But I should be closer to my house, and I was not. Usually it only takes ten minutes to get home, but this was already ten minutes longer then usual. I decided to keep walking.

I walked on. Pine trees and deciduous trees passed me on my left and my right, in perfect order as always. Every 16 pine trees, a path branched off, both to my right and my left. I started getting a feeling that I wasn't walking towards my house. My mind was trying to tell me something - something didn't look quite right. But what could I do? I walked on.

It had been an hour now, and I was back where I started.

Yes, I was back where I started. The pattern that the leaves made on the ground was exactly the same as when I started walking. I looked around me. The trees in the background flickered for a second. I was fairly certain that those trees were exactly the same. Above me, the sun had gone closer to the horizon. It was getting dark. But once again, that bright blue of the sky had a positive effect on me. I walked on.

The trees passed me on the left and right in endless pattern. I noticed something though: no leaves were falling from these trees. As I kept walking, I started to compare the bark on the trees to the bark on trees that I had seen when I started walking. Yes, I could remember it clearly, the bark was exactly the same as those trees that I had seen about an hour ago.

It had been two hours, and I started to notice something.

It was like I was caught in a loop. The pattern of leaves fallen at each area where a path would cross the path that I am walking would loop about in the distance that I would cover in an hour. I was getting bored of walking down the same exact path for three hours, so I decided to do something new and took the path that branched off the path I was walking.

I walked it for an hour before I proved to myself that it was the exact same path.

By this time, the sun was touching the horizon. It was getting dark now, and cold. By this time I had gotten very bored of the one path that it seemed I would be walking for eternity. I started talking to myself.

"It's just one path...How can this truly be possible? I'd be surprised if any of this is real. In fact, I don't think it is real."

Suddenly, everything went dark. I sat down and waited. I didn't have to wait long. In only about a minute, a man illuminated by a spotlight walked up to me. He was wearing all black, but his suit had a white insignia on it, an insignia I immediately recognized. I stood up.

"The Federal Organization of Unexplained Phenomena," I said aloud.

The man nodded. Then he spoke. "We've been watching you, for longer then you think. You passed every one of our tests, without knowing about it. It was really quite a surprise, even for me. Of course, now that you know we really exist, you have to come with us."

What an interesting method of choosing candidates, I mused. The minute they know that it exists, you are forced to become a member. However, I had already made up my mind.

He walked over to a place where I had seen a forest before. He pointed at a small box.

"Hologram projector," I said, without even waiting for him.

He was impressed, and I could see I passed the final test. He pointed at a door. I walked over to it, turned the handle, and stepped out.


Hope you all like it.

nicely done. if you would like to know the names of the two types of trees are decidious which you mentioned and carnivirous (i have bad spelling sorry)

Very nice, nothing really bad to say about it really. Very cool twist at the ending. The story felt a little rushed though, especially at the end.

Overall a 8.5/10

My rating (yay!):
Before you read my rating, know that I use different scales in order to have a global rating out of 100 that takes in consideration all important parts more than the others.
Script: 15/15 - Finally something that's not "Another Warcraft story"
Imagination: 8/10 - No comment needed
Descriptions: 16/20 - Way better than the Legend of Rok'Tar
Writing skill: 4/10 - A good twist, a good use of your imagination. But don't go so fast, take more time on the description. When I read "It had been an hour", and, 5 lines later "It had been two hours", I feel confused because this goes too fast.
Action: 12/15 - There is no real suspense, but there is some mystery, and the end really makes this enter the fantastic style. And, fantastic speaks by itself, you don't need much action to give the feeling that there is some.
Humor: 10/20 - There is not much, but I can't penalize a fantastic story for containing no humor!
Transposition of the author: 5/10 - You're not enough inside your story. Try to read it a few times before you post it, imagine that YOU are the main character, you'll see how easyly you'll then make accurate descriptions.

Global rating: 78/100 - I can't believe I just gave you over 75. Take this as a BIG compliment.

Sh'not at all bad, but some of your other stories are better. 7.75/10.
The "Agency of UP'...Just kinda ruined it for me, personally. I thought it wasn't too much of an ending, and while it did explain it, it didn't wrap the story up or make it more interesting. I did, however, love the beginning, with the leaf loop. ;)
-Tyl, who was a little less impressed with JohnFNs writing than usual.