The life of a star... being told funny!

Well, people have been complaining that we keep making sad stuff, so why not making something funny or happy once in a while?


Author: Me!

NOTE: This is all talking, so I won't put any quotation marks, becuase I'll get tired just trying to make them.

The Life of a Star

Hey, Jingle, it's time you told me why there are stars in the sky!

Why? I thought you took Astronomy class?

Yeah, I do, but it's doesn't make sense!

Whatever, just pay attention, not like you do.

I heard that!

*Sigh*, Anyways, stars are made up of giant clouds and gases-

Oh! So they are made of gas! *farts*

Uh.... NO!!!!! Not that kind of gas!

But you just sai-

I know what I said! Don't get the wrong idea! The gases go though a process called nuclear fusion and-

New-clear Fusion! *Tries to combine the oxegen in the air with the Carbon Dioxide from his lungs to clean the window using his hands*

This is so embarassing....

Huh?

Nothing... As I was saying, after "New-Clear" fusion, then becomes a bright light, forming the basic components of a star, then-

Really? *Starts clapping his hands and tries to put the oxygen and the carbon dioxide from his lungs together in the clapping spot*

...Oh my god!

What?

*sigh* Well, then the star starts to grow bigger and bigger-

Like us!

...Yes... like us...

Keep going!

It grows very slowly for millions and millions of years, until-

Until it explodes!

Wron- right! And then the the star creates a super nova, that explodes for about a year-

That's one long fart!

..................................(Total silence)

...??? Why did you stop?

What's with you in farting? You have some issues.

No! I don't!

As I was saying... When the explosion stops, there is one thing that won't die from the explosion, that is the very middle of the star, also called a white dwarf, black dwarf-

Dwarfs live on those things? Cool!

NO! They just called them that!

I know, because-

BECAUSE NOTHING!!!!!!

And I thought I had issues *laughs*

*speaks this part really fast* Then the dwarf star might create a black hole which leads somewhere. Nothing can survive the gravity that pulls things into there, not even light. Then the dwarf star lives for quite a while until the light that it gives off dies out, which called a "dead" star. Then the whole process in finished.

But-

Nothing! Done! There! *Leaves*

But... You didn't tell me the end! Jingle! JINGLE!
_______________________________________________

I don't care about the grade... just as long as we, as writers make something funny come up more frequently.

It was a nice break from all the depressing stories and poems that are everywhere, but I think it could of been a little better. The concept of a star was interesting but at somepoints the jokes of the other person seem a little over done. It would be nice for the characters to have names, because when I scrolled down the page I lost my spot and forgot who was who for a few lines, I'll just call them smarty and stupid.

Overall this was a fairly good job and much better than your past writings, but I am still seeing the same problems throughout all your stories. I'm giving you a 7/10 it was above-average but not amazing, this was a very big improvement, and hope you can continue making these strides towards greatness.

I'm going to develop a new grading scale because my last one wasn't working out so well.

Character Development: 4/10, Humor 2/5, Writing Skill 7/15, Clearity 8/10, Grammar 3/5, Execution 2/5. Thats 26/50. I'll explain it later if you want me to, I got to go now.

My rating (yay!):

Before you read my rating, know that I use different scales in order to have a global rating out of 100 that takes in consideration all important parts more than the others.

Script: 11/15 — At least you know things about stars and their lives

Imagination: 6/10 — Maybe too much imagination ^_^

Descriptions: 1/20 — You can't make a real good story without proper descriptions. And note that you can insert descriptions in dialogs.

Writing skill: 1/10 — You are going too fast, slow down, don't put this much exclamation marks

Action: 10/15 — At least it's fast paced

Humor: 2/20 — Damn not funny

Transposition of the author: 0/10 — You are not "inside" your story, you just write in order to make people laugh. Too bad, it did not make me laugh. If you took the time to implicate yourself more in the story maybe it would have been more funny.


Global rating: 31/100 - A DISASTER!!! This is really bad. The jokes are funny from 3 to 8 years old, what's your head full of? Farts? But, as you *tried* to make some people laugh, I'll give you some rep ^_^ (note that sad stories can be funny like the diary of a ghoul)

No.. but it's just something to "liven" up the place.