Cookin' With Zujo, mon!

From the creative mind that brought you the goblin's log and letters come another completely original, hilarious story from Xiash!

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Forward Mon.

Hey mons and womons! This be Zujo, masta chef an witch docta, and I be writin dis cookbook to tell you bou some of me recipes.

#1

Hogshead Hog's Head.

Ingredients Mon:

1 Big o hog
2 onions
1/2 cup suga
1 bag o spice
1 pound o veggie mon
1 apple
lotso wata
Big Hogshead, de barrel mon!
Flour

Step 1 mon: Be takin the hog and cut de head clean off so you can open the rest a da hog up. Then be takin all de blood and stuffs outa de pig an put those somewhere fo lata. Empty out da head an take ou a de stuff.

Step 2: Chop up all de guts and stuff an put dat in de hogshead (barrel mon!) mix wit blood an add some wata to it. Stir well mon.

Step'n 3: Take all de veggies and spices and onions an mix it all up inside mon. Den you take de stuff and stuff the hog's head wit all o de stuff mon.

Step 4 mon: Mix up some a de wata wit de suga, then dunk hog's head in it. When it's hardened, take it ou mon.

Step 5 mon. Stuuf de apple in the hog's mouth mon and toss in de barrel mon. Close it all up afta addin flour mon. Shake it all up, goo way to do it mon, is to give to orc an say it be talkin smack bout him, it get mixed up lots. Jes don't let im break barrel mon.

Step 6: Take hog's head out a de hoghead an put on a platta, keep de entrails tho, cauz dey goo fo makin gravy mon.

Step 7: Serve. Nomaly serve bou 1 orc, 3 undead, 2 dwarves, and abou 15 gnomes mon.


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This is simply my first recipe, I have many others planned which will show a lot of witch doctorness.

This was pretty funny at the begining, but it gets very tedious by the end. When writing comedy you have to understand that you can't just have jokes in there. If you keep on just having jokes eventually people will stop laughing, you need some downtime to build up another joke, or to advance the plot/recipe in your case.

It was pretty good but the overuse of 'mon' took away from it abit, I'm giving it a 6.5/10.

Off-topic: My avatar is making me dizzy =P

Me too. Anyways, this is what I need, feedback. I wasn't really going for more jokes in the thing, just an aura of humor in this thing, but I'm gonna do better.

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#2

Gnome Stew

Ingredients:

1 whole gnome
Yo favorite spices
Wata
Big pot
Lotsa veggies
An whateva you like in yo stews mon

Step 1: Take the gnome and tell him dere be a gadget in de pot. When he go in, you flip pot ova, dis keep de gnome busy fo a while.

Step 2: Chop up everything and den let de gnome out o de pot.

Step 3: Distract the gnome by telin him you makin a pool fo him and dat he need to put on swimsuit fo it.

Step 4: Put all de stuuf into de pot and set ova a fire so it boils.

Step 5: When de gnome gets back, tell him to get in de pot. If he refuse, ask him to measure de pot. Gnome will go up to pot, you push him in. Easy.

Step 6: Wait a while and stir occasionally. If de gnome not dead yet and he yellin, smack im wit dis book. Dis not help, but it make you feel real goo mon.

Step 7: Grab one o de gnomes bomb tingys and put it in the pot. When it go boom, you ready to serve. Serves many. Gnomes think it taste like chicken.

I can't really rate this because there is no script or no descriptions :/
So I'll just tell you what I think:
This is pretty funny for a while, the first one made me laugh a bit, but the second one sounded a bit too repetitive after having read the first one
Also, jetpack, damn avatar...

This isn't supposed to be a laugh a minute!

#3

Shrunken Raspberry Suprise.


Ingredients

3 shrunken heads, can be found at any voodoo lounge or you can make yo own!
Some silverleaf
Raspebrries
Extra-sticky glue ( non toxic mon!)

Step 1: Take de headf an boil dem at a high temperature.

Step 2: Chop up all de berries an mix wit de glue, put all dis by fire so it get warm too.

Step 3: Add some silverleaf to the boiln heads to make dem softa mon.

Step 4: Take ou all de heads and when dey really soft, you pluck out de eyes so they can be used in the raspberries. Den peel off all de skin and scoop out de brains.

Step 5: Mix up everything but de eyes and put that into the raspberry stuff mon. Mix it all up. den be takin it and it should all stick togetha real goo. Put se eyes into it now so it looks like a face.

Step 6: Serve.

Good, this one was better, you're really getting to something ^_^

Thanks, I always get off toa rough start, I'm much better at continuing this. I will accept ideas for this people!!!!

That was a suprise :P

*shivers*

I give you a 6.75 overall, not bad. Really I can't use any conventional grading scale because this is a totally different thing.

Totally, different, thats me!