The Ripped Book

"What!?" Exclaimed Jean as she looked staring at Clyde. "Well its true, in the story they said that Regula, the evil lord, did kill Melunis but I didn't finish the book." said Clyde still walking to school. "No.. noone could ever kill Melunis master of Weapon spells and sword mastery." said Jean. Clyde looked at Jean and said "Fine, don't believe me... but I can't finish it because the last 43 pages are missing." "Well, you could buy a new one..." said Jean thinking she got him... "I would.. but they stopped printing them." said Clyde sitting on the step of the school. "Brrrrrrrringgggg" Went the school bell and Jean and Clyde went into the school...



"So, I heard that Jean was going to ask you out." said Matt, Clydes friend. "I told you... were just FRIENDS and for now thats all..." said Clyde looking a little mad yet embarrest. "Hiya" Jean says as she comes with her lunch tray setting it on the desk. "So, what you guys doing?" Asked Jean whle putting some food into her mouth. "Well, I was just asking Clyde if he's" ----- Clye quickly interupts saying "He was asking me if I finished that book." said Clyde looking smartly. "Oh, well I gotta go... bell rang and if I'm late for next class I might not make it out of school alive." said Jean sarcastically. Clyde walked out with his friends into the hall.




*************Will update sooooooooooon********************************

Update ::: 4/28 ... Yes, I update only once a day and there is atleast 3 days left of this.

:radio static:

What?

I don't get it

I like it, but I wouldn't have posted this story when I had one paragraph =P

I'll wait until you write some more, I'm looking forward to reading the rest.

Ty, I would have done more but I had to go... I'll post more tomorrow.

It is good. Here is just a few things you want to take a look at.


When you are writing stories, don't write numbers like this "43". The proper way to write a number in a story is like this, fourty-three. The only exceptions are: phone numbers, adresses, time, and a date.


Here, is a little complicated. After the quotation, you have the word capatilized, but a few sentances before, you don't capatilize the word after the quote. I am a picky person about things like this. You don't have to be, but keeping your writing authentic is key. Some, or most, people won't see a mistake like this, as it is not really a mistake, but someone like me will see it as well sloppy. You have to remember that each persons writing is different from the next, and that you want to try and write your own style. So work hard, become a good writer, and write them stories.

Good job, and I await to see what is next.
~Azhag~


Odd.


Not necessarily. I once read a book were when I went to the next chapter I was astonished to see how long it was. It was said like this.


Pretty short eh? True adding more to it would of made this more then a five minute reading session, if that. But look what I have made out of five minutes of reading. :P

Anyways good luck, and best of writing.
~Azhag~

Nice, I'm glad you helped, I'll add the rest later today...


>Tinkor

Umm, one thing I don't like is that he puts down his tray and then in 30 seconds picks it up and walks away... wait, um, what? Also, I reccommend a spellchecker. www.spellcheck.net

Well... In most of the stories I read they always have it were a person has to leave right away.. yet also.. remember she might of been sitting at another table but yes, I'll look at the spell check.

Some things I noticed.



There is no need to capatilize the entire word. In order to make it sound like he is yelling it out, or really emphasising the word, use things like !, italics, bold it. Capatilizing the entire word makes it look sloppy.


Make sure to use a spell check of some sort before you write the story. This is how it should be spelt... 'embarrassed'.


You should re-word this entire sentance. You have some words that shouldn't be placed there. i.e. 'says', 'comes'. It sounds weird.



I think you mean, 'while'.


Whenever you use something like these, only three is nesessary. It goes the same for periods, etc..

Other then the few mistakes and spelling errors good job.
~Azhag~