Blasphemy

Blasphemy

In the future a cataclysim war broke out when the Neo-Nazi's emerged from hiding and started a revolution. It seems they had been gathering supporters for years, simply calling themselves the "MR", meaning Master Race. Surprisingly enough the uprising began in the United States of America where they were actually able to gather the most supporters. Apparently all the Nazi's had gone into hiding there due to the fact people expect to find Nazi's less in the US then in any other country. It started small, as a militia, but they quickly were considered terrorists as the size of the attacks grew. Eventually being so bold as to take over military bases and towns the Neo-Nazi's formed a small army. As the army steadily grew they began rallying allies in other countries as well. The army grew to an immense size in a matter of years and they were finally able to take over major areas. With support coming in from the European Revolutionists as well as from other countries the group was finally able to take over states in the US. The American government had obviously under-estimated the threat and hadn't taken action soon enough which lead to the collapse of the US altogether. In a matter of three years the Neo-Nazi's had taken over the United States. Using an arsenal compiled of Bio-Weapons as well as conventional, the Nazi army was a force to be reckoned with, obviously so as they had taken over one of the most powerful countries in the world. This action scared other countries making them easier targets as they focused not on counter-attack but on defense. This gave the Aryan army the time it needed to become powerful enough to take over Asia, this only took a matter of five years. The war now rages on in Europe, and we can only hope that this disgrace to mankind can be stopped quickly...
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2018 A.D. Marseilles France: UN Military Encampment

"Damn these civs!" yelled Commander Harris. He wore a red infantry suit, something that looked a lot like a uniform from a Sc-Fi movie. It was made of metal and encased the body making it look much like a mech. The face was a metal gas mask with infrared eye sockets built into the mask. Two tubes ran down from the side of the mask over the shoulders and into an air filter on the back. It was quite intimidating, but that was not it's purpose. "I know I shouldn't be sayin that but If they weren't here we wouldn't have such a hell of a time fighting!" First Lieutenant Cheivoski looked up at him, he too was wearing a suit but it was only similair to the commanders. It was blue and was less bulky. It had more of the insignia og the UN army on it as well. A picture of the earth with a gold eagle on the front. Under the eagle also in gold it sad UN. "These civilians are dying from bio-chemicals these damned nazi's are dropping on them, they're diseased with something that there is no cure for. And you're sitting there yelling at them! It isn't there fault! There is no vaccine, there is no antidote! All there is, is either a quick death at out hands or a slow painful one at the hands of the Katteran Virus!" Now commander Harris stood up. "I know that! Don't think Im stupid lieutenant! But because of that I see them as useless baggage! All they do is get in the way! I'm sorry if I don't feel compassion for the already dead citizens of France as you do!" and with that Harris walked away down the trench. Cheivoski sat down on a crate, his head in his hands. Just then a soldier ran up. He saluted, "Lieutenant! The NN have made it past the second line of defenses and they know about the mine field! It should take them approximately two hours to reach our position of they get no air or tech support! What is our plan of action sir!"Cheivoski sighed. "What is there position can we flank them?"
"No sir we cannot!"
"Alright then...rush them"
But sir! What about the mine feild?"
"I said rush them soldier... I know about the mine field."
"Sir I don't understand...why waste our own men?"
"Waste? Waste!?! I know what I'm doing soldier you will either follow my orders or be dismissed of your duties! I said rush them so we, are going to rush them! Is that clear soldier!?!"
"Crystal sir!"
"Good, now go tell Johnson, Peterson, and Trevlovski what I said."
The soldier ran off down the trench. But in fact, Cheivoski knew that he was killing his men. But they were already dead. The NN did have air support coming, as well as tech support, the area was overrun with diseased civilians, and the Nazi's had the upper hand in this battle. It was only a matter of time. Cheivoski had gotten the report earlier, "Hold out" it had said. Hold out for what? Cheivoski had thought. They will never come. It was only a matter of time. He too would be dead soon enough. It was only a matter of time...
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Well, tell me what ya think. I kinda made this up on the spot. And I wasn't calling America weak by killing them off first so don't be all offended, all you patriotic people out there. But I thought it would be a nice twist, America is always the one who comes to save the day in stories so I figured it'd be cool to change that. Soooooo, ya tell me what ya think.

I seriously disapprove of this story.

6/100

It wasn't THAT bad...

It did have some serious flaws in it, but it didn't merit a 6/100. More like a 4.5/10. The last full paragraph needs a lot more detail, and the two huge paragraphs at the top need to be divided. You should also make it a little longer with more character development. I can explain this later. Right now I have to go.

There are 6 categories, I have to give 1 point per category. It deserves a zero/100000000000000

If you're going to insult it that blatantly you better give a whole lot of reason why. (ie. Do it. Now.)

The reason you ask? The content. Some things are just NOT appropriate.

What, it being about the death of the US? Doesn't seem that inappropriate to me. It's just a story and I don't think you can dock 100000000000000 points just because of one thing, eg story.

Actually, more like the nazis.

So what is he supposed to do? Rename then to "revolutionists" just to make you happy? I don't want to start a flamewar but this is pretty dumb. Don't grade a 0 or whatever just because you don't like what he said about a group of people. This is just a story. He is not bending the fate of the world by writing this. So what's the big deal.

I am entitled to my opinion.

your right you are entitled to your opinion but theyre not gonna win anyway. Theyre going to end up being crushed. Im not pro-nazi nor will I ever be. But I figured it would make an interesting story line so the least you could do is not dock points just because you don;t like the content.

Ok, then don't expect me to say that a story with nazis winning ANYTHING is a good one.

Storywise, decent, but needs work.
my opinion is i want to hit you for saying that america lost so easily. But it could happen that we are so arrogant that we will underestimate an enemy.

gah Xiash, theyre gonna LOSE. And guess what? The nazi's DID win stuff in WWII! so its quite possible theyd do it again if a war of that scale started up again. They arent winning because I think they should, theyre winning because thats what happens in wars! One side doesnt win EVERY battle, so for the us to win every one would be unrealistic, besides, what kinda story is that? Some nazi's tried to rise up then they died in a matter of days. The end. BORING. And btw thanks for voicing your opinion in a civilized way NightArcher.

So you are saying you are pro-nazi, or what?

Bleeds, the only one here not being civilized is you.