A "Real" Dream

Author: Me!

I know, I know, we shouldn't have anymore sad stories, but this one I had to show you guys!
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A "Real" Dream

Tener woke up one morning, not expecting the unexpected. She thought it was just an ordinary day, like all the others: Playing with her friends, helping her mom and dad with the farm that they owned, and doing things with her little brother, Maruk. She got up lazily out of bed and walked into her bathroom. Until she heard a large explosion, he paralyzed in fear.

“Tener! Tener! We have to leave!� Her mom said as she rushed upstairs, in a anxious voice.

“Mom… It's still-“ Tener was interrupted.

“We have to go! The city is under attack!�

Tener opened her eyes wide open and get out of her sleepiness right when she heard those words come out of her mother's mouth. She instantly ran downstairs with her mother. Tener's dad and Maruk were waiting. “Daddy, what's going on?� Maruk said to their father.

“Rafa, we have to hurry, let's go kids! We have to leave!�

Tener didn't know what was going on, but she had to listen to her parents.

When they got outside, Tener looked in horror. She saw dead bodies, guns on the floor covered in blood, the ground tinted a dark red, and she saw people dieing in front of her eyes. Her mother said, “Tener! We have to hurry!� Tener instantly shook off her trauma and quickly ran with her family to the train station.

While running, she ran into her friend, Edin, who was running to the train station, mysterious men running after her. “Tener! Run!� Edin screamed to her. With that she was shot by a bullet in the leg. Edin moaned in pain on the floor. Tener ran to her. “Edin! Are you okay?�

“I told you to run! They'll get you too!� Edin screamed again.

Tener didn't understand, the men running to her were taking them? Where? Tener's father grabbed her, saying, “What are you doing!?!? She is trying to help you! We have to go!�

When they reached the train station, thousands of people were already there, ready to board the train. The manager tried to calm the crowd, they simply didn't care, as long as they left their homeland. Tener saw many people she knew, some were on the floor, telling others to leave them behind, some dead, some urgently trying to get on the train. Tener could feel her homeland telling them to leave her.

As soon as the train's doors opened, people began to push and pull others to get inside. As the train filled up with thousand's of people, Tener's family had got on the train, but Tener was lost in the crowd. “TENER! TENER! Where are you?!?!� Rafa screamed in the crowd of people.

“Mama! Mama!� Tener cried to her mother, but she couldn't be seen. People kept pushing her away from the train. The manager had to leave, if the train was too loaded, then the train wouldn't move at all. As the train closed it doors, people trying to desperately reopen them, it started moving.

When Tener saw this, she was shocked. As the train started to go fast, Rafa had gone to the end of the train. Rafa then saw her beloved daughter, running towards her. “Teneramala! Grab my hand!� She screamed.

“You're too far away!� Tener said to her. Then, she tripped from someone else's foot and blacked out. Tener screamed and fell in silence.

“Tener! TENER!� Rafa screamed, as Maruk was screaming her name as well.


When she woke up again, she was in her bed, lying there. She jumped out of bed quickly. Everything looked normal. She sighed in relief, and when to clean herself. The house was silent, as it always was in the morning. After she had cleaned herself, she went inside her parent's room. It was empty. Tener started to panic. She went inside her brother's room. Nothing.

Tener panicked more. She didn't understand what was going on. She ran downstairs and opened the front door, which was loose.

When it opened, she saw the body of her friend Edin on the floor, bleeding. She was dead. When she looked outside, all she saw was a field of dead crops, people, and blood on the ground. She had blood on her sleeping clothes.

Tener was crying, and then someone walked up to her…

That was a suprise. I can't rate you right now (I gotta go), but I did like it, although I didn't quite understand it :P It reminded me of the holocaust... I'd like to read more about how this story comes out since I'm kinda lost, heh. It's written pretty well, but if there's one thing it lacks its character development.

Well thats my two cents I gotta go now.

Well, I shall now give the two cents of the LW........

sort of confusing and twist is not developed properly

45/100

I guess it's something I'd typically like, with no exception, like usual. Though it didn't give any interest to me at the start, it did pick it up halfway; the progress was too fast.
In opposite of Johnfn, I was not very surprised at the ending, and was merely disappointed in it. Regardless, I still like it.

I'm not the type to rate anything though. Even if I would like to rate it, I wouldn't, since I am choosing my personal opinion above it.