The Legend of Thebis-ra

Here is my first complete story that does not involve comdey in any way, shape, or form.
(the beginning takes place BEFORE arthas took over quel thalas and the second part happens AFTER the frozen throne incident.)
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Another day had begun in the trisfal forests of lorderon. The small elven city of Sunbeam was bustling with activity. Horses began plowing farms and the guard tower sentrys were being prepared. Vishos awoke from his bed and prepared to start his day at his mercantile.

He walked along the cobblestone path to where his shop stood. He opened up and prepared for customers. None came. Not a single person even passed by the store. He walked out and tried to see what could have caused this. He walked closer to the city's center and he heard them. Bells.

The alarm. Sunbeam was under attack. Elves were racing to the armories to find swords and bows. Visho was confused. The city had no intruders and no war cries could be heard. He began to try to decipher the puzzle. The only reason for a garrison of troops would be if an attack was expected. He did not understand why they would be under attack until he saw smoke drifitng from Silvermoon. They were all going to be slaughtered.

He raced to the armory and grabbed some armor and a sword. He would not allow his city to fall. He would do this for his wife, Seles, and their unborn child. He joined the other swordsmen by the gates and prepared for the attack. They did not wait long. Along the horizon, a line of darkness brewed. Undead began pouring towards them in a frenzy. Death was here for them.

Many ghouls fell to the archers' rain of arrows, but many still reached the gates. They began tearing through them. Soon the gates were in shards and the ghouls streamed in, and were soon met with the waiting warriors. The ghouls were followed by wgons and feindish spider-men. They outnumbered the elves ten to one, but they must fight on. Vishos slashed a spider-man in half and prepared to attack one of the abominations attacking them.

He raced towards it and sliced off one of it's arms. He was lifted up by the one on his back and then the creature, if you could call tiu a creature, grinned as his blade met with his flesh. Warm blood flowed over Vishos. He was going...


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Vishos felt cold. He had felt cold for a long time. A day, a week, a month, a year, ten years, forever? He did not know. He was cold, but now he felt the plane of existence again. He awoke as if from a sleep. He tried to stand, but he couldn't. He felt as if his legs were not his at all. He treid again and concetrated on standing with all his might. He stood. His body felt lighter and he tried to walk. He fell down. He got up again and now realized that his arms and legs had been reduced to rotting flesh. He had become one of the undead he was fighting.

Vishos walked around in circles, he was in some form of a crypt, surrounded by dead elves. Seems the survovors gave hima proper burial. He noticed many of his friends and some of his family. But he could not fins his wife. His wife. Where was she? He began to panic, his confusion being shattered by his own grief. He had to find her. He had to see if she survived. Who was she? Who was he? He could not remember even his own name. Nor could he remember her's. How would he find her if he did not know her?

He crawled out of the crypt and began to panic again. He could not be undead, why could he not have simply died. Why had he been brought back and not another? He began to cry. Or as close to crying as he could come. He began to fell rage rather than greif now. He cried out. Suddenly, one of the other corpses rose and staggered over to him. At first Vishos flinched, but the undead simply stod there like an obedient pet. Vishos stood and waited for the creature to do something, but it did nothing. He then stunmbled away.

The creature followed him.

Did he have control over this? He could not, he had no magical prowess and certainly was not a necromancer. But perhaps his death was more than death...


UPDATE 1

Vishos walked around the cemetary he found himself in, still in a state of confusion and shock. The thing still followed him, but he could no longer stand it. If he could bring it to life, he could easily killit again. Right? He concentrated upon the undead, but to no effect. He tried to realize what was happening. He began to pace in a circle with the creature following his every move. His feet felt nothing but the cooled blood and dead corpses upon his soles. He then felt something hard.

He bent down to find a piece of leather. He lifted it and it was a tome. Perhaps this had something to do with it. He could not read this and he could not understand it even if he could. He opened it to find pages upon pages of symbols he could not decipher. He then came to a final page. Upon this page were syymbols drawn in blood. Vishos traced them with his finger. These seemed familiar. A small drop of blood oozed from his finger. It fell onto the symbol.

The blood began to make it's way across the symbols until they all were convered in Vishos' blood. The symbols then glowed a dark purple and began to move and change. They soon spelled out a new word, in new symbols. These were not any different than the ones before them, except now vishos could read them. The new letters spelt out a name, and since Vushos had no name, he would take it as his own.

Thebis-ra

UPDATE #2

This name seemed to suit him well, although he did not know quite why. He treid to think about it, but the undead followed him still. Thebis-ra threw the book at him and the undead burst into icy flames and withered away. When the book fell on a pile of corpses, ten more things arose. Thebis-ra used the book to get them to leave, but he had not figured it out yet.

Thebis-ra stumbled out of the cemetary with the skeletal beings close behind. Thebis-ra walked and walked. He walked to the point that would cause most every other living or undead thing to go mad. Then he walked some more. He then sat upon a rock and tried to read the book, but he still did not get it. He stood up to walk more when a large beast leapt out of the shadows. The beast threw himslef at Thebis-ra.

He cringed, he did not know what else to do, he could barely walk, let alone fight. He waited to feel the blood once more, perhaps now death would take him away forever. It did not come. The beast was being devoured by the undead who followed him. Thebis-ra watched as they rended the dead already decaying flesh and devoured it, having large, wet pieces fall into a heap beneath them. Thebis-ra walked behind a bush and vomited. Actually, he just coughed.

Thebis-ra opened the book to see if he could still read his name, and he could. But now there was a new symbol beneath it, one that was glowing. He did not really care whether or not the symbol killed him, so he poked it. Suddenly, his head flew off into the clouds and his body melted away.

Thebis-ra had entered an ethereal form, similar to the emerald dream. his body and head were unaffected, but he did not know that. He looked upon a scene elves walking in a line being led by orcish warriors. He saw something in the middle of them. A female covered in blood with a small child in her arms. She turned to face Thebis-ra, as if she could see him. He had seen her before...

UPDATE #3

What was happening? Who was this mysterious woman with a child? Was she who Thebis-ra sought? Where was she? Where was he? Questions zipped in and out of his head like angry bees. He decided to find this woman, and crush all who opposed him.

He stumbled out of his trance and began to shamble east. He continued until he saw a traveling gnome out to forgae for a camp. Thebis-ra blacked out.

He awoke to the crushed remains of the gnome and another obedient undead slave in its place. His head hurt. Even in death, he could not escape pain. What had happened? Had he done this? The thoughts hurt more. He then stood up. He wanted to sit down, he wanted to die and remain dead, but something inside of him was telling him to continue, he followed...

He began to travel north until he reached a shore, one he had seen before his demise. He stepped into the water. He knew not where he headed...

Men, excellent story , few grammar mistakes I noticed. I liked it. I liked it a lot. I think I'll try to give you rep (if the lossy machine allows me). Anyway I think you should continue the story is intriguing.

I am going to as soona s I finfihs checking the other threads here.

Yeah update...more more more. It's short and excelent .
One question? Is he a crypt lord (his name sounds very cryptish :) .

That was just HORRIBLE. If you were stupid...

Nice story, nothing more to say (except "nothing more to say" you know)

But yes, a few grammar mistakes (Vushos?? Correct that dude)

oops, I thought I did that, oh well, he is not a crypt feind. Althought thebs-ro is the name of a crypt lord (no relation). I'm afraid I have not the time to update this now.

Sorry fer de dubul post. but

UPDATED!!!!

Gruesome... but cool . The story continues *yay*. I don't get it was it a undead beast or some generic type (Like creep) . Also (I'm guessing again) that the female is his wife :( Anyway the story is intriguing please continue...

This story is fairly good, I've been reading it since you first posted it but was waiting to see if you would add more. Your story does however have many problems with it. The main one being your choice of words, especially in the most recent update, update 2.
You start all your sentances with either, Thebis-ra, he or then he which makes it sound very repititive. For a story, especially a long one, you want to vary your use of words, pick stronger verbs, nouns and adjectives over weak ones.

The sentance where it says "He walked to the point...undead thing to go mad." This could be combined with the next sentance, as they are about the same thing as it might be a setance fragment, not positive though.

There are some other underlining problems throughout the story but those are the most major ones that stuck out to me. Overall the concept was an ok idea, but the story gets continuelly worse as it goes on. It starts with lots of descriptive writing in your original and goes to near to none in update 2.

Try to improve on this story a little, I'm giving you a 7.5/10.

The use of the period was to create a reader's pause. The less description was mostly due to the fact that I lacked time. and the He then thing was because I had introduced nothing else yet.

I think Xiash is a gewd writer. Keep t up!

9.2/10

:D

Pretty fun story, keep writing.

hey there!

UPDATEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEED!!!

Updated Read And Post About It!!!