| 05-03-2005, 07:18 AM | #1 |
The Smoking Barrel Mikey fingered his gun playfully, his black converse high tops propped up on the table, his silvery hair shagging in his eyes over his glasses. He adjusted his cigarette. Looking over the rims of his glasses he asked Peter, "So you gonna tell me who took my bosses money?" Peter looked back at him, a cold fear in his eyes. "I...I don't k-know I swear!" Mikey smiled. "Bang." Peter flinched. "Strike one, tell me what I want to hear Peter..." Peter looked around the room as if hoping for someone to help him, there was no one there. "I really don't know!" Mikey adjusted his tie. "Bang. Strike two. Tell me what I want to hear... bring that sweet melody we call a saving grace to your lips." Peter searched the room again, and still he found no one. "Ok! Ok! It was McCarthy!" Mikey smiled and picked up his gun fingering the trigger. "And that, Peter, is what we call squealing. You shouldn't squeal Peter, it doesn't show much character." Mikey pointed the gun at Peter's face. "Strike three..." he said. Bang... ------------------------------------------------------------------- Just a short story I came up with at like 2 am. Hope you lke it |
| 05-03-2005, 02:01 PM | #2 |
uhhhhhhhhhh... I do not get it really. The guy shoots him no matter what he does. Why wouldn't he just shoot him? I would like to know more about the characters' persona andhistory together. |
| 05-03-2005, 07:07 PM | #3 |
Nice story... Xiash he was supposed to die whatever :8... he just didn't wanna waste him before he told him who took the bosses money. Ok story, very original. I like it. Rep given. |
| 05-03-2005, 08:17 PM | #4 | |
Quote:
It was good, but it was cliche, and it was short. I give you a 3.5/10, not bad for one paragraph. |
| 05-04-2005, 04:59 AM | #5 |
Yea I know its cliched but I personally found it amusing so I figured Id post it. |
| 05-11-2005, 06:11 AM | #6 |
oh btw I might make a series of short stories with the character mikey, depending on how I feel he may or may not be described a little bit more in each story. sry for the double post but for some reason the comp Im on wont let me edit my last post. |