Virus

Virus
“Look out behind you!� Brad yelled at the T.V as he clutched onto a nearby pillow.
“Chill out dude it's just a movie,� Kyle said as he tried his best to hold back his laughter.
“Yea, I know, I'm just playing kidding around,� Brad responded as his cheeks flushed red.
The four kids sat on the couch with the lights off. Kaita, the only girl present, threw a piece of popcorn at Jack. The group laughed as it bounced off his forehead and he threw it back, missing completely.
“You guys think we will ever do anything other then watch horror flicks every Friday night?� Kaita questioned.
“Yea, you know what, next weekend we will go to the theater and see a new scary movie there,� Jack snickered.
“No, that's not what I meant… I mean like –“ Kaita was interrupted as the front door flew open, and a man in a suit appeared. Brad almost jumped off the couch.
“Hey Dad, how was work?� Kyle asked his father, trying to start a conversation. Kyle's dad barley ever came home anymore, him being at work a lot. In fact, Kyle didn't even know exactly what his dad even did at work, and whenever he would ask him, his father would avoid the question. Quickly, his father shot a glance at him.
“Oh hey son, I told you I would be home on time today to have dinner with you!�
“Uh, dad, it's nine o' clock�
“Oh yea, sorry Kyle, you know I –“ his dad stopped at the sound of a high pitched beep noise. The four kids watched as the grown man pulled a pager from his belt and frowned as he read the numbers.
“Look I got to go, I'm really sorry Kyle,� his dad frowned and then burst back through the door, and into his car. Hopping off the couch, Kyle ran towards the door.
“Wait dad! You forgot your briefcase!� Kyle shrieked, but it was to late.
The other four stepped up beside Kyle.
“He will probably come back for it,� Kaita reassured her friend.
Brad grabbed the case from Kyle's grip.
“Hey wait! What are you doing?� Kyle yelled out, surprised.
“Look man, don't you want to know what your dad really does?�
Kyle looked at Brad, and nodded, he wanted to know once and for all.
Quickly, Brad picked at the tiny lock on the briefcase and it soon flew open. They all stepped back and gasped. Four vials sat in the case, each contained a green liquid
“What is that?� Jack questioned.
Brads hand flew at the tiny bottle, and held it up in the air.
“Cool, maybe it's a anti-aging potion,� said Brad.
“Dude shut up, and put those back,� Kyle grabbed at the bottle, but Brad quickly twisted. The momentum sent the small vial flying into the air, then crashing into the floor. Mysterious liquid splattered across the ground.
“Look what you did!� Brad yelled.
Kyle bickered back, Kaita and Jack stood back, not wanting part in the argument. As the two argued, Kyle's dog climbed down the stairs, and trotted up to the unknown fluid. Loudly, the dog slurped up some of it.
“Rover! Don't drink that!� Kyle screamed. The dog ran back up the stairs.

Half an hour later, the kids had cleaned up the green liquid. Although they thought Kyle's dog would be fine, they were quite wrong. Rover stepped down the stairs, which made the four kids look up at him. They all starred in awe at the horrendous sight. What was once a dog now looked like some demonic creature. Its fur was gone, which just left flesh and veins. Also, he grown about three times his original height. The dog growled, and showed the group his vicious teeth. They sprinted towards the basement door, since the front door was blocked by the monster. As they ran, Rover jumped on Jack and got him to the floor. Kyle, Brad, and Kaita slammed the door shut before the dog, or Jack could reach them.
“Oh my God, what happened there?� Kaita asked.
“It must have been that green stuff. We got to get out of here. My dad always hides a gun above this cabinet incase of robbers,� Kyle astonished. He reached atop of a wooden cabinet and pulled out a revolver. The weapon felt heavy in his hands. They started down the stairs, but Kaita's foot tripped over the other, sending her tumbling down them. She cried out when she reach the bottom.
“Are you ok? Here let me get you a band-aid,� Kyle whispered as he headed towards the small cupboard. As he reached in, his face went blank. He felt a smooth surface, like a switch or a lever. Curious, Kyle pulled on it. Immediately afterwards, a loud sound of metal clicking roared. The room started spinning, moving, and re-placing itself. Not even a minute later, the three were standing in a laboratory.
“What is going on?� Brad asked.
A loud shrieking sound rang in their ears. Kyle turned towards it, pointed the gun into the darkness where it crept. Terrified, the three waited for the creature to move at them. Suddenly, a football sized rat sprang up towards Kyle. He pulled the trigger twice, and two loud bangs followed. Kyle opened his eyes, not even knowing he closed them when it attacked. The mutated rat lied on the floor in front of them. One bullet pierced the monsters flesh, the other went into the unknown. Kaita called something to Kyle, he was so scared that it took him a couple seconds to realized she said something.
“Guys look, look at this note!� The note read this:

Wednesday, 2/2005
The virus I have created is now ready to be tested, it basically corrupts one cell then spreads, and then starts by changing the inner body, then outer body.

Thursday, 3/2005
The virus has been injected into the subject, its been an hour and no response.

Friday, 4/2005
The subject has grew 1.5 its normal size, its right arm is growing faster than the left. Odd. The brain signals read that it is slowly loosing control, I am 100% sure that if it wasn't drugged, it would kill me.

Saturday 5/2005
He has now grew 2 times his height, and is now completely mindless, all it wants to do is kill and eat. What have I done? What have I become? I killed an innocent human being for advances in mutation science. I am horrible person, Kyle would hate me
if -

Kyle stopped read the note, and dropped it to the floor. His dad was the reason of this chaos. A tear of hate dropped from Kyle's eye.
“Oh...my...� Brad stuttered.
Kaita shrieked, as did Kyle when he saw the abomination. In the center of the laboratory, in a large glass cylinder, sat a once human figure. It was about 6, 4' in height. The right arm was gradually longer than the left. The creature was pale and hairless. Kyle's heart was torn in two when he saw what his dad had created. He could only imagine what Jack and this creature had to go through all because of his father.
As Kyle inspected the creature carefully, his heart suddenly stopped when he noticed the small hole in the glass holding the creature in stasis. The bullet that went wide pierced through the monsters glass cage, and the small liquid inside it poured out. The gun dropped from Kyle's fingers.
Suddenly the monsters eyes shot open. It was free, now that the fluid that kept it asleep was gone, it could wreak chaos upon the world. As it extended its arms, the glass around it shattered. Brad starred in awe and disgust. Kaita and Kyle sprinted towards the stairs. There legs carried them as fast as they could. But Brad, too shocked to move, stood still as the creature stood in front of him flung its arm back. Kaita screamed to Brad to move, but he heard nothing as the huge arm crashed against his skull.
Kyle rammed into the door and it blew open. Two creatures which Kyle used to know and love stepped in his way. Jack and Rover, or at least, they used to be. Horribly, they jumped towards him, but Kyle moved fast and went past the creatures. Kyle soon realized that the two abominations were not going for him anymore, but a new target. As his legs carried him to the front door, he burst outside. Kaita's scream rang inside Kyle's horrified mind.


Kyle ran from the house as fast as he could. He wanted to forget all that he saw, heard, and learned. This night would scar him for the rest of his life. But Kyle had escaped, and that was also important. As the young boy ran, a small corrupted cell inside his body started to spread. Kyle's organs slowly started to change…

Oh you bastard, know im gonna have a nightmare tonight :S

Really scary and good. Nothing more to say.

Pretty good. It was a little too clicheified for my liking, though. I have a few suggestions.

1. The whole "group" wasn't a great idea, because you lose a lot on character development which you would have gained if it was only one or two people.

2. Everything seemed a little too coincidental. The briefcase wasn't a bad idea but
totally shows how cliched the idea is =/. I reccommend a better way of doing this, maybe him accidentally stumbling into the lab and then seeing the virus, then later seeing the mutated person...yada, yada.

3. The whole dialogue seemed like one huge cliche. It was like too the point that you might wonder "haven't I read this before?". Please oh PLEASE do something about the dialogue!!

4. The medical logs could have been lingo-ified ;)



Anyways, keep writing, and I hope that helped :)

Very good story. 17/20

Thanks guys this story i gotta hand in tomorrow for marks so thanks for the tips

The part I bolded made me laugh. You used the wrong word here. Unless you want the character development to get looser, then I think you're looking for 'lose'. Thanks for the laugh.
~Azhag~

lol, but what did you think of the story?

Azhag doesn't rate stories, he rates peoples' grammer who rate stories =P

Azhag's a spammer? Well didn't have any nightmare.

And, really. I think i heard the idea before, but i can't remember from where.

The part I bolded made me laugh. You used the wrong word here. How about you learn some engrish before you correct others ? I think you're looking for "you're". Thanks for the laugh.

Whatever. I make mistakes, everyone does. I didn't say I was perfect. From what it seems you think that I think that I'm perfect, which I'm not. I wasn't trying to insult johnfn, like you were to me. Engrish? Come on, give me more credit then that. I'm not that bad.

Edit by Dorelian (I don't want to clutter the thread): I didn't want to insult you in any way. I just used your own 'attack vector', that, btw, seemed very arrogant and rather patronizing, against you. What I was trying to say is that you shouldn't correct basic one letter mistakes when you can't make the difference between even simpler things such as "your" and "you're", "then" and "than" (it should've been "than" in this case :P). And that isn't even in this thread only. I've seen you doing the same mistake in too many threads, and I had to tell you. No offense meant.


I mostly try and point out the grammar mistakes that I can see.

Guys please, lol
Can you tell me sum feedback/what u think of this story?

This story is really good heh heh. Keep writing!!! i want to know the rest!!

The monsters come out and into the nearby city. Holes in their bodies can spit out the poison (??) so the whole town turns into zombies and the whole world gets one big nightmare and then someone really big last survivor guy shits AND ALL THE ZOMBIES DIE BECAUSE THIS REALLY STINKS! And some mysterious power ressuructs all the people and Kyle and his dad is hanged. Kyle because he didn't do anything to stop the zombies (?) and the dad because he killed the whole world. *Takes breath*. Aren't i a good writer dammit!

LOL UFO!
Hmm, i handed this in today (yes it was a final exam lmfao) and i got 98% yes plzzzz
I guess i could make a sequel if you guys want, i can make it longer this time though since i wont be handing it in (no page limit)