| 06-18-2005, 12:37 AM | #1 |
Invasion It was a bright sunny day, the flowers were blooming and the trees were growing. The villagers in this village were working on their daily chores. Suddenly, the sky grew black and we all stared in awe. Then, over the peak of a nearby hill a strange skeletal creature. It raised its bloody sword and a army of undead were discovered. The villagers swarmed to their weapons, and the village guards positioned themselves at the bottom of the slope, with the armed villagers behind them. Many knew that they had a very small chance of winning this battle, they would not give up their homes without a fight. The undead leader was just standing there, looking apon the battlefeild. Then, he gave out a battlecry and the undead army swarmed down the hill. The villagers and soldiers fought vicously. When it looked as we were winning, a even larger army came from behind and gave the undead army a major advantage, they had us cornered. ^_^ that's all for now someone tell me what they thought. |
| 06-18-2005, 04:23 AM | #2 | |
Guest | Quote:
Well besides minor stuff, throughout the short story you call every one "The Villagers" and such. But there you're saying that you're in the story, or at least that there's a character, no just "the villagers." Just an observation. It's short but if you continue it, it might have a chance. Also I'm not much of a judge so you'll have to wait for more replies. |
| 06-18-2005, 08:56 PM | #3 |
That's doody. No offense. EDIT: Oh yeah, reasons. forgot. You have no characters. There is no sequence of events (climax, etc.) A fetus could have wrote that on accident. |
