A Pudding to Die For

Well I wrote it for english class, it had to be a murder with a strange weapon. Did fairly well on it and I might aswell post it.


“Dude Frank, want anything?” Said Jimmy calling from the kitchen.
Frank sitting on the couch watching a re-run of “Newly Weds, Nick and Jessica” which he was pretty bored with replied “Got any pudding?”.
“Um…no.” Jimmy lied. There was a pudding, he just wanted it for himself, with that response he quickly ate it throwing away any evidence of the pudding. He walked back into the room.
“What is that on your lip Jimmy?” Asked Frank, Jimmy tensed, he felt his upper lip feeling a last bit of pudding, and apparently he wasn’t careful enough.
“Answer me Jimmy, what the hell was on your lip?” Asked Frank again in a more hostile and angry voice.
“N-nothing Frank.” Stuttered Jimmy.
“Oh really? How could NOTHING be on your lip which I clearly see?” Frank was now standing up.
“Just calm down Frank, we can go to the store and buy a new one…”
“I don’t want a new one Jimmy! I want THAT one!” Interrupted Frank. Jimmy was now shaking out of fear. Frank was mad. And when Frank gets mad things happen, bad things.
“That’s it!” Frank screamed as he took the remote control for the TV which was still on “Newlyweds” and forced Jimmy to start swallowing it. The more Jimmy fought Frank and his inevitable death the faster the channels changed, the flashing of multiple different shows barely on the screen to be noticeable did not affect Frank and his blind rage. Finally Jimmy stopped flailing his body and the channel surfing stopped. As Frank panted from his struggle he turned his head to the TV. It landed on the weather channel, a woman’s voice came on as a map of Canada was shown, “The weather for the Etobicoke area will be fine tonight, but it will be a bit chilly so pack a sweater!”
“Fine night to bury a friend.” Whispered Frank to himself.

Frank loaded the body into the back of his Honda Civic. Good car he had, really reliable. Its black so it wont draw too much attention. He drove down the darkened street, a few street lamps were knocked out, some drunk teenagers did it, or that’s at least what his next door neighbor said. Mrs. Mackey, nice lady. Hope she doesn’t see Frank like she does everything else. He turned onto another road, This one had houses on his left a electric field to his right. He pulled over to his right. With shovel in one hand body over other shoulder he headed out behind a hydro tower. He took the shovel up a few centimeters and drove it into the ground, it was soft. He brought it back up a few centimeters planning on scooping some of the dirt this time then he shot it down, but he hit something hard, suddenly he felt pain shoot up through his hands and into his body, he must have hit a wire. He smelt burning meat. Then it all went black.

What an odd story, bit too morbid for my liking. This story had a lot of grammatical errors, though I really don't feel like finding them all myself. The main problem with this story is it is far too short, lacking in many details. I'm not saying you need to go overboard, but in its current state it really is lacking. If you wanted it to be a very fastly-paced story then I suppose you hit the nail on the head, personally I don't like those type of stories too much.

So to make this story better fix the grammar problems and, if you want, make it more detailed.

I probubly should have mentioned that it had a limit of two pages thats why its so short.

Oh, that makes a lot more sense then. Why don't you try to expand upon it then, maybe add some details here and there, fix the grammar errors, etc.

because im currently stuyding for exams and im working on a book. but dont worry this is just a short story, ill post some better stories soon enough...MWA HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

Ownage story. Short, but good storyline. Well written, not too much descritpion on the characters due shortness of the story, its good. I didn't notice much grammar mistakes anyway. I liked it good work, I think I'll give some rep.

I agree with draenei, great story and amusing too :P

thanks for the positive feedback and props to jetpack for the negative.

Heh, not bad. It made me laugh, it was pretty random and finished rather abruptly. I'm thinking if he killed just over a pudding, he would have killed lots of people... It woulda been great if you had ended it with his body falling next to all the other ones he'd killed or something to that affect.

Just a thought.

OOoooo nice twist I like it.