| 12-29-2005, 02:14 AM | #1 |
This is a short poem Ive written, I plan on using it for a short film. Glub Glub Glub The baby falls in the water. Going faster and faster. Down the stream around the bend. The water gets white. Its quite the fright. The river runs faster than you what shall you do? Glub Glub Glub Might as well be face down in a tub. Lost its life all because of you. Baby gone mother crying, father filing. Gonna go to jail. Without bail. Twenty-five to life. Gonna get raped. Screams muffled by pillows. While the guy named Tony introduces Bruno. Two guys one you, and you deserve it. Visiting day, no one comes. Alone in the room surrounded by hated ones. Lovers holding hands, hes a drug dealer. Father and son, ones a cop killer. But you deserve it. The baby fell in the water. Glub Glub Glub Might as well be face down in a tub. |
| 12-29-2005, 02:31 AM | #2 |
Thats creative. But I don't recall anyone going to jail and getting raped there. |
| 12-29-2005, 10:06 AM | #3 |
probebly because you dont know girls who have male guards? Personaly i really love this poem. King you have the same subjects. I love extream situation in poems. Did you ever see the films fightclub, seven and Saw? or maybe "The experiment"? all great movies. |
| 12-30-2005, 04:10 PM | #4 |
I got my extreme situation ideas from reading different books by Chuck Palahnuik, The author of the book Fight Club which the movie is based on. Noxer I highly reccommend you check out the book Choke, its about a sex addict who chokes on food in restaurants for money...VERY GOOD book. Anyways thankyou for the feedback guys! |
| 12-30-2005, 05:17 PM | #5 |
I never said I didn't like it. It was great, I just thought that was a little odd/funny. |
| 12-30-2005, 06:16 PM | #6 | |
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On that i agree. its very hard to make a poem of something awefull that not everybody has had, (like a broken heart blablabla) then it often cheesy... I did a serie of "SICK" poems called "New York Insanity" They were pretty crappy. Code:
The Child Producing Corp: Whatever makes it hard, we have it. Deep in the red city of New York stand two Buildings. One is for girls. The other for the boys. Today you get three instead of two sex toys. You are satisfied if you get the little things. Screaming little girl. Shivering little boy. Shut up, you’re just a toy. Here for my pleasure. Your tightness is your measure. Born out rape and assault. Interesting until you admit your mothers fault Live to be an adult’s sex toy. Screaming little girl. Shivering little boy. Everybody knows, nobody acts. Close the Corp and your kid Will be next. Screams of raped mothers raises above the sound of the next door band. Only because the mother beggingly held up her hand. The money wasn’t worth this… She wished she wasn’t a piece of shit. You want Asian, White or black?. They hang there on that rack. They are sold for less then a TV. Come see, These naked boys and girls, Come see. When you take them to your place. The screams of the mothers shades your head. Your dick hanging in the child’s face. They just belong in your bed. You are here for my pleasure. Your tightness is your measure. Or Code:
Love is for sale. The road to heaven is often misused Old man pleasured and simply mused The person completely forgotten After her blossom falls she’s seen as rotten Her body has been loved to many times She sits on the corner and cries at her moral crimes Tears that state a million words, feelings and so. Looked up towards to many ceilings, wishing to go. Followed to many rhythms as she moaned and lied. Her mind, thoughts fleeing, trying to hide She cries on the corner of the street, Crying for her short path. A life in which she had no vote. Then smiled broken on the corner, happy for the first time. Tears of happiness, Then she gloats. or Code:
Pain and Red My dad was a drunk piece of shit. As he walked in and held me firm. Bleeding me as he tried to fit. All I could do was cry and squirm, I viewed it all through a swollen lid. The result of a rapist’s hit. He Smiled as I utter "No more" Simply replying "I’m not yet done for" "you’ve been bad and I settle the score" They suck. its just very hard to make a poem about something sick that dosnt come to you as odd cheesy. though i didnt have that feeling when i read the poem made King. Yours is better king. |
| 12-30-2005, 06:21 PM | #7 |
Eh... the first one is a little disturbing. I don't have anything else to say... |
| 12-30-2005, 06:26 PM | #8 | ||
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Yea it is isnt it? But its not me. im a very normal person. Quote:
Yea it is isnt it? But its not me. im a very normal person. |
| 12-31-2005, 04:38 PM | #9 | |
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I dunno about that...  |
| 01-01-2006, 01:10 PM | #10 | |
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as;ojt;lajw g;oiixcjvijajs'rthpoiuah;lkshtpija;klndvclah[oiejlkm!!!!  |
| 01-02-2006, 01:27 AM | #11 |
I don't speak Japanese!!!! |
| 01-02-2006, 09:26 AM | #12 |
Me neither!!! AHHHHH!!!!  This is SO far offtopic... |