The One Left Behind

I wrong this story a while ago and pitched it to JohnFN(moderater of this section) and a few other friends. They seemed to like it/be creeped out so here it is.


Knowing his one true love would leave him forever, the young teen packed him cherished possessions and money into a backpack. He then picked up a knife, which he slid into his pocket, along with a picture of her. Fighting back the tears, he walked into his parents’ bedroom, kissing each on the cheek and leaving a note that he has previously written. He then walked to the front door, took a breath, and thrust it open. As the cold autumn air filled the room, the tears he was bottling up inside began to pour down his cheeks. He stepped over the threshold and started off into the darkness. As the depressed teen wandered into night, the clouds began to shed empathetic tears of sorrow for him. He found a bear den with 3 bears hibernating inside; he drew the knife from his knife and quickly slit each ones throat. He piled their pelts to dry and threw down his belongings. Frustrated, he ran out of the cave toward her house. He found her father asleep on her porch, drew his knife once more and gouged deep into his skull with such a force that the man seemed to be lobotomized until he ceased all motion. Satisfied, he removed the key from the man’s pocket and headed into the house and down to the basement. He found the gun safe and opened it, removed the hunting rifle and an ample amount of ammunition, and headed upstairs. He opened the door to her parents’ bedroom and found nothing but a mattress on the floor; he then walked down to her room and found it empty. He sat there, his mind racing, trying to figure out why the rooms were practically empty. Suddenly it hit him; she had left him behind and not bothered to tell him. He let out a cry of pure sorrow and frustration, raised his knife, and attempted hari-kari, how samurai used to commit suicide. He still had breath in him so he raised the rifle and unloaded a round into his stomach. His body still not would accept defeat; he then raised the gun to his throat and pulled the trigger. As his head flew off and rolled down the stairs, his last thoughts where, “What have I done?”……


whenever I feel like it that is!

Can this really be continued? It seems as complete as it can be.

Anyways, pretty good. Probably one of the darkest things on this forum as of now.

Agreed, very dark.
Although, as a side note, you might want to use paragraphs next time.
Other than that, really short, captivating story.