| 07-05-2006, 03:54 AM | #1 |
Heres another one! Mobsters by Shadowz123 The Don - alright, lets get our aliases...you'll be Mr. Black Mr. Black - Sweet, cool name! The Don - You'll be Mr. White Mr. White - Thanks Don. The Don - And you'll be Mr. Pink Mr. Pink - Aww what, thats a girls color! The Don - You talkin back Mr. Pink? Mr. Pink - Come on Don, cant i be Mr. Yellow? The Don - No, your Mr. Pink and thats final! Mr. Pink - Just change it Don! *BANG!* Mr. Black - Whoa! The Don - Anyone else dont like their alias? Mr. Black - Mines great! Mr. White - Yes, mine to!! The Don - Ok, lets go Mr. Black - what about the corpse? The Don - he can clean it up himself... Mr. White - uhhh, hes dead... The Don - i said, he can clean it up himself! Mr. White - ok, ok! The Don - now, were going to get to Central Bank and rob the place Mr. Black - ok, how much we stealing boss? The Don - As much as you can grab! (At the bank) Mr. Black - Freeze! this is a hold up!! Mr. White - Dont you move an inch! *BANG!* Mr. Black - oh my god... Mr. White - he moved! Mr. Black - So! he fidgeted, its not like he's going to run out the door is it? Mr. White - Well... Mr. Black - just grab the money... (after the robbery, back at the base) The Don - So, what did you get? Mr. White - $4 and a chewing gum wrapper The Don - ... Mr. Black - A lovely hair clip! The Don - ... *Bang!, Bang!* The Don - Why do i even bother... The End! |
| 07-05-2006, 03:55 AM | #2 |
Lol, heres Part II Mobsters II By Shadowz123 The Don - Seems i gotta do things myself, Nah, ill get some others... (The Don collects a group of mobsters and assembles them at the base) The Don - ok, were here to hold up central bank, our last attempts were...well, flawed because i chose two idiots who didnt know what money was! Mobster 1 - hehe, are these the two guys here? The Don - yea, they're dead... Mobster 2 - Heh... The Don - Right, we gotta take hostages, we want money! Mobster 1 - ok! (at central bank, the gangsters all walk in with pistols) Mobster 3 - Freeze!!! Clerk - again...sigh, here the packet of chewing gum. Mobster 1 - Shut up! Get on the floor! NOW! Mobster 4 - uuh, you better do what he says, he gets weely mad! Mobster 1 - what the hell? Mobster 4 - Duhh, whats this do? *Bang* Mobster 3 - Holy ****! he shot himself Mobster 1 - Retard...ok, start gathering hostages! Mobster 2 - Ok! (the hostages are gathered and placed in a room with 1 mobster) Mobster 2 - ok, nobody move, we dont want any accidents do we? (While the Mobster is talking, a kid grabs a grenade attatched to the mobsters belt) Kid - wow, what happens when i pull this? (the kid pulls the key from the grenade) Women - Ahhhh!! Mobster 2 - Oh God! Nooo! *BOOOM* (the grendade goes off killing everyone inside the room, blowing the door open) Mobster 1 - What the hell! God damn it! Mobster 3 - i got the money, lets get outta here! (Before the mobsters could get to the door, police are there to greet them) Policeman - come out with your hands up! *bang* Policeman - You shot that policeman!! Policeman 2 - Sorry, i got nervous *Bang, Bang* Policeman - Oh Come on! Policeman 2 - i couldent help my self! *Bang, Bang, bang* Policeman - ill shoot you next time! *bang* Policeman 2 - No you wont... (after 5 minutes, all the policemen are dead) Policeman 2 - aww what the hell! *Bang* Mobster 1 - what the hell, all the cops are dead... Mobster 3 - Heh, lets get the money back to the boss! (the mobsters return to the base to give the Don the money) The Don - Wheres the other two? Mobster 1 - They were killed, well 1 killed himself, the other one was blown to peices! Mobster 3 - a gory, gory scene! The Don - Damn... Mobster 1 - What? The Don - i missed it! ****! Mobster 3 - dont worry, i video taped it! Mobster 1 - you what? The Don - yay! lets watch! Mobster 1 - But... The Don - i said...lets watch! Mobster 1 - Fine... (after 1 hour of video tape they finally show the don the money) The Don - Ah...where is it? Mobster 3 - oh, i spent it on popcorn and drinks! *bang* Mobster 1 - what, why did he do that, and why did you shoot him The Don - i wanted to... *bang* The Don - see... The End |
| 07-05-2006, 03:56 AM | #3 |
And Part III Mobsters III By Shadowz123 The Don - Ok, guys, we have been threatned by the Yakuza, and wish for a war down at the childrens playground... Mobster 1 - a childrens playground? The Don - Yea...though, we should hide from the kids whilst we fight Mobster 2 - ok then...we should wear camoflage! (the mobsters put on dark black suits with tapping shoes and a top hat...idiots) The Don - Just stay still! Kid - Mummy, mummy its the stupid guy off the TV The Don - Ill give you stupid you little twirp! Kid - Ahhh!!! *Slap* Women - get away from my daughter!! *Slap, Slap* The Don - ok, im away im away!! *Slap, Slap, Slap* The Don - Why did you do that? Mobster 3 - Duh...i dunno *BANG* The Don - well, you shouldent do that, there are kids around ok... Mobster 1 - you just killed him in front of all these kids... The Don - Ahh crap... Mobster 2 - look, here come the Yakuza! Yakuza 1 - Are we there yet? Yakuza 2 - no Yakuza 1 - Are we there yet? Yakuza 2 - No! Yakuza 1 - Are we there yet? *bang* Yakuza 2 - NO WE AINT THERE YET! YOU WONT BE GETTING THERE!! OK!!! *bang, Bang* Takuza 3 - calm down man... Yakuza Don - Well hello there Don The Don - Hello Don... Kamikaze - Ahhhhhh!!!!! *BOOOM!* Yakuza Don - umm, he ran into the Russian mafia... German Don - Ach mein Gott, was die Hölle das war! German Gangster 1 - Es war die Burschen da drüben! German Don - Töten Sie Sie! Mobster 1 - What did he say? The Don - Who cares! this is war!!! German Don - Hallo don Yakuza Don - Hello Don... German Don - Angriff! Yakuza Don - Attack! The Don - Attack them! (after 2 grueling seconds, the yakuza killed them selves because they couldent count more than 2...The germans talked nonesense and walked away...the don just went back home to sleep...but, after they left, the kids went crazy and killed each other thinking they were gangsters...) the End |
| 07-05-2006, 04:43 AM | #4 |
I hope you don't mind that I just merged all three of your topics together. It didn't really make any sense for them to be apart anyways, since you could get more feedback in 1 thread. I'll feedback you tomorrow, I have to sleep right now. (I also merged your other two threads) |
| 07-05-2006, 05:36 AM | #5 |
Well it was pretty funny, but not too inventive. Just people shooting people and themselves. Chuckled at the first Part, but by the third it was old. For the whole thing, 5/10. Oh and you called a Yakuza a Takuza, might want to fix that :P |
| 07-05-2006, 07:26 AM | #6 |
haha, a minor mistake...but yea, thanks for feedback! |
| 07-05-2006, 04:01 PM | #7 | ||
I think this would have been funnier if you would have omitted the 'idiots' part: Quote:
Parts 1 and 2 were funny but part 3 was just tedious... although I enjoyed this part: Quote:
6/10 overall from me. |
