Virtual Insanity

Not sure if we're allowed to post such off-topic stuff as poetry in this forum (the rules are a bit conflicting), but here goes. We've been working on "freeform" poetry, and I found I rather liked this one. I wrote it in response to the song Virtual Insanity, a version of which I heard recently at a Jazz Festival.

If it were to have a form, it would be:

Form A A A <Something> A A <Something> <Something> A A <Something> <Something> <Something> A <Freeform>

Picture for obvious formatting reasons.

Very nice. Don't have any suggestions.

:D

So, it's not illegal?

*cough* not reviving this thread...no... *cough*
Since this is really the only section I'm active in I thought I might as well post :P
Right, critique.
First, it's probably not illegal. Even if it was, johnfn has been inactive for too long to care.
As for your piece, I like the structuring of it. However, your one extremely long line is too much of a mouthful for me. But, it's poetry, and I don't critique that all too well :P
Still, it's quite nice.

Meh. I had trouble with that line, and I gave up trying to shorten it. Thanks for some feedback! :D

Hey, no problem.

I think you could completely eliminate the word "substance" and it would still have the same effect.