| 03-09-2008, 07:11 PM | #1 |
Demonic Twlight --- It was dawn. Specks of light illuminated the floor, just enough to see the trails of crimson liquid painted on the hall ways. The tiled floor, supporting the limbs of the scattered man, lay still. He laid dead: no legs, no arms, nor eyes, brain, heart, lungs, liver, intestines, he was hollow. The insects and the rats knew he was fresh, and eat him like so. However, their desires were minuscule compared to the creature with bloodied, human hands, and a taste for an omnivore's flesh. It wanted more limbs to bite its carnivorous teeth into; to hear the bones crunch in between its jaws. It wanted more still-beating hearts, to sodden its obsession with human blood. It wanted more hairless flesh, to comfort its tongue, the master that overrides its sentient thoughts. The next victim was given a glimpse before their body being crushed by the tight clench of its massive, stained hand. It heard the victim's heart still from it's rhythmic tune, and smiled a unsatisfactory smile. The unfortunate stared at a creature that bore a human's skin, except gray and sleek in complexion. It stood two legged like its masters, standing at eleven feet, but hunched its back, listening for more live bodies to reach into its foaming mouth, salivating at the literal thoughts of the tortures at hand. To watch their blood spill... was marvelous. Its eyes were blind by confusion, bloodshot with lust for gluttony. It peered into the white marbled hallways scarred with blood, desperately licking them clean. Its third victim was ambushed, the creature piercing through the human's stomach, guts displaced, the rib cage snapped, and the heart exploding, the spine destroyed. With its mouth, much like that of a crocodile, it swallowed his newest victim whole. The taste was charming, the smell: fragrant. Its tongue grew obsessed, savoring the intricate flavors, receiving divine pleasures only caught by sexual desire. It would make sure not a single drop of blood be wasted. It would continue to drink the red water of life, taking it away from its masters, and selfishly consuming it, unthinking for itself. For a moment's worth of time, it felt guilty.. It felt regretful. Doing this... Killing. Killing the masters... and the one who gave him this life. Amongst the instinctive evils of his trodden mind, there was something wrong with this. There was something wrong... He breaths heavily, sweating profusely. Make it stop... I don't... want to... do this... Make it stop... please... help me... For a moment, the creature fell to the floor, helpless. He moaned in remorse, beginning to think of the all of their faces... their horrified, ugly, crying faces. They were unhappy when he touched them... when he took their lives away. Why were they so... sad? His depression slowly began to crumble. He laughed. He laughed maniacally, so suddenly. He felt the instinctive evil within his mind rising, dominating his thoughts, showing him that his prayers are only an abstract grip upon physical desire. Happiness... is impossible. Happiness... is fake. Happiness... is a dream. He would not dream. The humans... It wanted to show to them... It wanted to show the humans that it was time to stop dreaming. But... How is that possible when he is dreaming? It was dawn. He dwells in his own torture in every living moment of his life. He wanders the land, leaving anything in his wake in complete silence. He considers himself not a harbinger of death, but one who must enlighten others. He must lift them from their dreams... He must lift his masters from their sleep. He wants to save us all... --- |
| 03-09-2008, 07:41 PM | #2 |
It is very well developed. The length is perfect, not too long, not too short. The descriptive level is superb. The whole theory of a monster that kills even though it does not want to is very Jekyll-and-Hyde-esque of which I am very interested. I hope at one point you decide to go further with him in an RP. He would have my support. |
| 03-09-2008, 08:54 PM | #3 |
Is there more? |
| 03-10-2008, 08:55 PM | #4 | |
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| 03-10-2008, 11:06 PM | #5 |
Hmm... An RP I'm waiting for... I don't know if it qualifies as an RP, considering that this character in particular is the center piece of the story above all else. And, since it kind of nears into our world, you guys can't really be anyone other than "worthless" humans, which wouldn't be very fun. I'd get to have all of the fun I want, though! lol On the other hand, I would manage it is that he can be put within a different time, but I wouldn't like that, either. All of the planned secondary characters participate in story arcs, just one secondary character at a time, each discovering more about the main character. Hunter, remembering when I told you that I couldn't tell whether or not the human characters were boy or girl? Well, I figured out how to make this story make sense by putting it in story arcs. Of course, all of the central human characters suffer the same, tragic fate. But in a different way... I don't know, though... It's a very long story, something I've never done before. I don't think I'm ready to write it all down, yet. But, consider my first post the prologue of a confusing story, which will in turn make sense as one gets towards the final chapter in the story. |
| 08-22-2008, 03:52 AM | #6 |
Alright. Demonic Twlight has been updated. This edited version more accurately describes him. At least, it's the closest I've been to getting closer to what he wants. I have so many scenes going to through my head that describes what kind of person he is... but he shows so many sides to himself that it's hard to pin-point the exact kind of person he is. I'm not quite there yet... I'm closer, but not close enough. K-42's the only character I've been obsessed about. I wonder if this is a good thing...? (...Am I going insane?) |